the past couple of days have been incredibly emotional/tough. yesterday i sat baby girl on my lap and we watched a couple of Julius' videos. i haven't had the courage to watch any of his videos since shortly after he passed away. and though i wasn't feeling completely up to it, i just wanted to remember. i wanted to see him moving and cooing. i wanted to hear his voice. i feel like his presence here was a dream, a beautiful dream. and i had to remind myself that he was real.
it was so hard to watch him in all of those familiar places (most to which she's already been) and acting like a tiny baby. by the time i was done looking at the videos, tears were streaming down my face as she sat there oblivious. i just want him back. i want him here with me, with us.