Monday, March 19, 2012

i miss you

Dear Julius,

Baby boy, we miss and love you so deeply. Your little sister has been keeping us so busy, as I'm sure you know. You definitely sent us the perfect little girl. She is hilarious and constantly keeps us laughing. I know that you knew we needed someone exactly like her.

Last week Daddy's family came to visit your sister. It was nice that they came, but it was definitely a bittersweet feeling for us. The last time they came to visit was for your memorial service, and the time before that it was to meet you for the 1st (and only) time. Watching them play with and admire your sister brought us much joy and much sadness because we felt your absence so deeply. But of course, you were not forgotten. We get so much joy out of talking about you, and how different you and your sister are. I just know that if you were here you would be staring at her like "why is this chick so weird?"

We are so blessed that you and your sister decided to make us earthly parents again. We are cherishing every moment with her. I find myself kissing her like crazy (I'm surprised I haven't rubbed her skin raw with all the kisses, but I have to make sure I get in my kisses for me and you), and shoving my nose into her neck and inhaling the wonderful baby smell that I have missed so much. Most of the time I get a whiff of that sour milk smell that sometimes gets trapped in the neck rolls, but it makes me laugh and think of you (you taught Daddy and I that you have to definitely clean out those neck rolls).

The next couple of months will be emotionally difficult for us. We are headed towards your 2nd birthday, and your sister will also be the same age you were when you passed away that month. My anxiety levels are through the roof, and I know as the days draw closer, it will  only get worse. Please help me get through this, and please stay extra close to me during this time. I miss you more than words can say, we all do.

Loving you eternally,
Mommy

13 comments:

elena said...

Beautiful letter. Julius is definitely lucky to have you both as parents as is his sister. My heart aches while I read this as I know all too well the pain linked to the words you wrote in regards to feeling Julius' absence. Sending lots of hugs your way and thanking you for sharing your heart.

crystal said...

Thinking of you and sending up prayers for strength and peace. Glad you guys had a great visit with family.

Brooke said...

Sending much love.

I also wanted to tell you, I accidentally omitted the final line of the poem I posted today. It's corrected now, and it makes a big difference. The poem without the last line maybe a more accurate reflection of how I feel today, but I hope I'm getting there--and I hope you are, too.

Becky said...

I'll definitely be thinking about you and your family these next couple of months:)

Rebecca said...

Thinking of you!

Hugs mama! <3

NYMum... soon to be DandelionBreeze said...

Love and thought to you and your gorgeous kids - near and far. My heart is with you over this stressful time. Love always xoxo

Ashley said...

Will definitely be thinking of you as his 2nd birthday is coming. Beckett's is in like 3 weeks and I think I have some denial that it is coming so fast :( I hate it.

I can't find your other blog address, can you send me the link again please!! :)

Susan said...

The joy and the sadness - it's a heady combination, is it not? Sending you lots of love x

amourningmom said...

Thinking of you all. Sending peace and hugs.

Drew's Parents said...

I will be thinking about you and Julius as his birthday approaches. I just read your announcement about your daughter. Congratulations, Tiffany. xoxo I am so glad that you have been blessed with another child. I imagine your beautiful Julius is looking over his family with great pride. Sending you support and care.

MrsH said...

Lots of strength and tenderness for these milestones coming up.

Roccie said...

I send you the very best that I can. Anniversaries are always all around us but you have some very grim ones staring you in the face. Much love and support, as always.

brigette said...

Thinking of you and your sweet family. I totally can see why you would have so much anxiety. Praying for you always and remembering sweet Julius. Hugs mama

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