this is the sunrise picture i captured from work last year. i was already running behind this year, and i kept forgetting to take a pic of the sunrise.
Day 2: Heart
hearts are very meaningful to me because of what it symbolizes. and especially because the shape of his urn. Oct 12, 2010 will always be the absolute worst day of our lives. my heart literally broke when we lost our son. now he sits in his heart-shaped urn on my dresser and in my heart forever. "i carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart."
Day 3: Before
i originally used another picture for this day on insta.gram, but couldn't find it on my phone when i was putting this post together. this pic was taken years before Julius was even born. before grief i was happy. i was organized, and a planner. i was an introvert, but could pretend at times that i wasn't. i was funny, and i was reliable and carefree (though i admittingly was a worrier).
Day 4: Now
i think this pics sums it up best. i am still a wife to 1 and a mother now to 3. there was a time after Julius died where i didn't think the universe would allow me to mother any more earthly children. so i catch myself marveling in this new normal. but i am here. a duality of feelings is always happening. i am happy but i am sad. i laugh but i cry inside for the one not here. i love deeply and i am a better person because of him...because of them. grief an unwelcome friend on this journey back to him.
Day 5: Journal
i started journaling about a week after losing Julius in a journal i was given by a friend. i wrote every day until baby girl was born. i went throug those 4 journals pictured. i still keep this blog and a journal for Julius, but don't update as often as i did or would like to. journaling helped me tremendously. i started each entry with "Dear Julius..." it brought me comfort to write those letters to him. reading some of my earlier letters to him is very hard because i was in such a dark place. the grief was so raw and palpable. i see my progress, but most of all, i see the love.
Day 6: Books
these are just a couple of the books that brought me some comfort in my early grief days. another really comforting book i read was "when bad things happen to good people." but the books i read (that helped) were instrumental in calming down my mind, and allowing me to release some of the guilt and intense anger i had.