i miss you

Dear Julius,

Baby boy, we miss and love you so deeply. Your little sister has been keeping us so busy, as I'm sure you know. You definitely sent us the perfect little girl. She is hilarious and constantly keeps us laughing. I know that you knew we needed someone exactly like her.

Last week Daddy's family came to visit your sister. It was nice that they came, but it was definitely a bittersweet feeling for us. The last time they came to visit was for your memorial service, and the time before that it was to meet you for the 1st (and only) time. Watching them play with and admire your sister brought us much joy and much sadness because we felt your absence so deeply. But of course, you were not forgotten. We get so much joy out of talking about you, and how different you and your sister are. I just know that if you were here you would be staring at her like "why is this chick so weird?"

We are so blessed that you and your sister decided to make us earthly parents again. We are cherishing every moment with her. I find myself kissing her like crazy (I'm surprised I haven't rubbed her skin raw with all the kisses, but I have to make sure I get in my kisses for me and you), and shoving my nose into her neck and inhaling the wonderful baby smell that I have missed so much. Most of the time I get a whiff of that sour milk smell that sometimes gets trapped in the neck rolls, but it makes me laugh and think of you (you taught Daddy and I that you have to definitely clean out those neck rolls).

The next couple of months will be emotionally difficult for us. We are headed towards your 2nd birthday, and your sister will also be the same age you were when you passed away that month. My anxiety levels are through the roof, and I know as the days draw closer, it will  only get worse. Please help me get through this, and please stay extra close to me during this time. I miss you more than words can say, we all do.

Loving you eternally,
Mommy