Wednesday, July 11, 2012

life these days

it's hard to believe that it's been over a month since i last posted here. life has been so incredibly busy these days. i don't know where the month of june went.

our baby girl has hit the six month mark, and has been keeping us on our toes. she amazes us more and more every day. Julius sent us such a perfect gift in her. she is hitting developmental milestones that we never got to with Julius, so it's also been very bittersweet. i tear up constantly when i think about how thankful i am for her presence in my life. she is helping me navigate through life without my son - not replacing, just assisting my heart through this painful journey. i am having more moments where i feel as though i'm living instead of just surviving. where i feel as though i have energy to care about things i once could not.

i don't think i'm any less terrified of losing her now that we've passed the 4.5 month mark. but the fear is not as suffocating as it once was. my heart is more hopeful these days of a future with her. and i continue to take things one step/day/breath at a time. i try to make my moments count with her. i try to relay to her just how much we all love her. and i feel like she is trying to express to us how much she loves us too. she, like her brother, loves to be held and kissed, and we do it often.

her baptism was 2 weekends ago. it was a very different experience than what we had with Julius. our church has baptisms every sunday, so you can potentially have your child's baptism with multiple families. we were lucky with Julius as he was the only child being baptized the day he was baptized. and he had not only the parish pastor baptize him, but the associate pastor was there observing (he was new at the time). it was very intimate, and looking back it was perfect. our baby girl's baptism was much less intimate because there was another family. it was still a very special occasion, of course, just different.

my parents came up for the week, which was nice. and we got a lot of things done around the house (they like to be put to work). we got most of the inside of the house painted. and i finally got to put up the wall decal i had customized for him. i also got a lot of work done in his garden which had gone neglected for some time because of my being pregnant, winter, taking care of baby girl, and intense heat.


i carry your heart in my heart...

the other thing that i've been extrememly busy working on is trying to get our non-profit (In His Name) up and running. i'm so proud to announce that we have finished the state portion, and are an official corporation here in AL. Our official name is "In His Name - The Julius Luciano Torres Foundation." the next step is filling out the paperwork to become a tax exempt non-profit with the federal government. The paperwork is much more tedious, but i'm hopeful that we can get it done in the next few months. it's been very meaningful and rewarding for me to be able to work on this. it brings me closer to him, and makes me feel as though i'm mothering him in my own way.

9 comments:

Ashley said...

I LOVE your entry way photo of you 3, how sweet and precious!

Maxie's Mommy said...

Hi Tiffany,

What you wrote about baby girl not replacing, but assisting is so perfectly well said. That is what I am hoping for too. It is beautiful, as is she. I am glad you are enjoying her and that time is flying I can't wait until time flies again one day. I LOVE that you blew up the beautiful family photo of you all and the touching words of EE Cummings up there too. It takes my breath away. I can only imagine what it is like up close. So lovely. Anyway, I've been thinking about you. XOXO - Abby

Brooke said...

It's so beautiful the way you continue to mother Julius through small projects (like the gorgeous wall decal) and bigger things like his nonprofit. I think that in raising Juli, you're kind of mothering Julius, too. It's so bittersweet to have her here without him, but I think the joy that she brings you is a testament to how much you love both your babies.

Christy said...

I am so excited for you guys! I know that getting the non-profit status is a lot of hard work but it will be worth it in the end. Love you, sweet friend!

Deanna said...

I agree that working on something with River's name on it brings me closer to him. I wouldn't be doing it if it weren't for him. It is a way to be his mother and mark milestones as we do not have those times to watch them grow up. Hoping the next step goes smoothly!

SG said...

I really admire all that you are doing in Julius's name. And so glad his little sister is doing well :)

amourningmom said...

You have been really busy - looking forward to reading more about In His Name. The wall is beautiful and so is what you wrote about not replacing but assisting in the journey. Take care. xo

DandelionBreeze said...

Such a beautiful photo... and love your quote. Thinking of you and your 2 gorgeous kids xoxo

brigette said...

Love the walkway!! This is such an amazing thing you are doing in julis name!! You write so well!! Big hugs!!

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