Tuesday, August 30, 2011

a day to start drinking heavily...

today has been such an emotionally draining day {and it's only noon!}. it has been one of the most difficult days since Julius passed away. today D had to go in for sinus surgery. today my rock, my biggest support needed *me* to take care of him, to be strong for him. today i had to go near the dreaded hospital {the procedure was actually done at an outpatient facility near the hospital}. today i had to pass the park where Juju and i spent the day the day before he passed away. today i had to turn my husband over to a doctor. i had to watch him be wheeled away from me. i had to wait in a waiting room for a doctor to come talk to me. i had to keep it together. and with all of the similarities and reminders, i had to try and not think of October 12th.

i'm not sure how i've kept it together this long when all i wanted to do all day was crumble, curl up into a ball and cry. this whole week leading up to today has been incredibly difficult for me {and him, this is the first time he's ever had anything like this done - he doesn't get sick often}. i'm the one usually being taken care of by him. so i'm definitely not used to this role reversal. and since Juju passed away i definitely haven't had the ability to take care of anyone but myself. but i did it, i pulled it together, and we got through it. i do wish i had a stiff drink, or sedative, or something... *sigh*

8 comments:

My New Normal said...

Good for you for keeping it together. I can imagine how scary it was for you to see your hubby taken away by the doctors. I get scared when mine doesn't call back right away.

You can drink loads and fall apart later on. : )

Caroline said...

Thinking of you & glad you could keep it together. Keeping you in my prayers so much. I'm so sorry to ~ No words just I know somehow what you feel. Love you friend xxoo {{{<3}}}

Tiffany said...

How scary!! But I'm not surprised that you made it through and did what you needed to for your hubby! I know Juju was there giving you strength and watching over his daddy. I hope your stress starts to go down now that that part is over! Let me know if you need anything- you know how to get a hold of me! Love you!

Tiffany said...

Oh tiff... sending you so much of my love and prayers <3

brigette said...

I am hoping that all went well with the surgery! Sending hugs and many prayers your way!! Much love mama

ASHLEY ELDER said...

Hoping that the surgery went well! Thinking of you today!!

LauraJane said...

I'm sorry to hear you had to go back. I know that helpless feeling all to well. I hope D is feeling better, and you are too.

rebecca said...

Oh friend, I'm so sorry it was such a difficult day filled with so many painful reminders. Hoping Dennis is on the mend and recovering quickly! Sending prayers and love

Post a Comment