Tuesday, November 22, 2011

i'll never understand...

"...my advice to you is if you don't have any kids, just adopt a kid 1 year old or older"

i recently overheard someone say this as they were complaining about dealing with their newborn acting like a newborn. i can't tell you how much that stung. i would give anything to get the chance to have sleepless nights because of my son. i would give anything for Julius to have had a chance to make it to his 1st birthday. i would give anything to bring him back.

some people are so clueless and just don't understand how lucky they are. some people don't realize how much they take for granted. it breaks my heart over and over again when i meet one of those people.

why us? why Julius?

13 comments:

Kelly said...

Amen sister!

Our Journey said...

I totally understand this post as a mother of a baby in heaven and an adoptive mom.
I hate that term, "just adopt"...our daughter was and still is a blessing. I know because of her we have our son. He isn't a baby we "just" adopted. He is our rainbow baby given to us by God.
As for the sleepless nights...that person seriously needs to get a clue. I have three now...3 months, 14 months and 22 months. I can guarentee that not only does our 3 month old keep us up...But Levi, our 14 month old, has to. (teething,ear infections, stomach viruses...the list goes on and on) and as a mom who has had to bury her baby, I love EVERY sleepless night...every rock with my child in the rocker in the middle of the night and every poopy diaper.
For us who have experienced the pain of burying our baby, every experience, from the screams at 2:00 am to wiping away the tears takes on new meaning. It's something we cherish and embrace, not something we complain about.
I love you Tiffany...God Bless!

Mary said...

UG, so sorry. A few months after Gage died I was at the park with Emily. We met my "friend" who had two kids who were just being kids and she was getting frustrated. She actually looked at me and said "Be glad you only have one, two is so hard." It made me sick when she said that. People just don't think...at all. They have no freaking idea how lucky they are and are just walking around with that "it won't happen to me" attitude. I am just so sorry that we have to hear crap like that.

LauraJane said...

Amen.

People are so dumb. I cringed at someone's fb comment today. "I can't believe my son is 15 months old". One of the responses? "I know, my son is 11 months old next week. It's not fair".

Wanna know what's not fair? That my son would be 11 months old but he died. That's not fair.

Jenny said...

I understand :(

rebecca said...

UGH, that would make me SO angry!!! That person definitely doesn't understand how lucky they are, how many people would change places with them in a minute. Wonder how they'd feel if they had to pay thousands of dollars and go through invasive treatments to have that baby? People suck sometimes!

Caroline said...

Amen , I know I will never understand people.
{{{Hugs}}}

Caroline said...

Ugh. I don't get it either - how people can be so clueless, so ungrateful.

Natasha said...

People have no idea. And it's so frustrating sometimes. No not it's not just frustrating.....it's totally and completely upsetting to see people who have no clue how fortunate they are. I would give ANYTHING to hear Aiden cry- even just one time.

The stupid comments are enough to make you want to slap somebody! Uggghh! Sorry you had to deal with that
Tiff.

Becky said...

I actually have a sister in law who was always complaining on facebook how her newborn son would never stop crying and it wasn't fair. Her other two, healthy, kids barely cried. It annoyed the crap out of me as I sat at home pregnant knowing my son had a bad birth defect and then of course grieving the loss of him. Some people just suck and don't realized just how good they have it. That girl actually stopped complaining for awhile after my husbands brother told her to quit since Liam died and at least there baby was living, She has since started up again. Pisses me off.

People that make comments like that clearly have no idea about babyloss or infertility either and ones desire to be able to just get pregnant let alone have the child outlive them. Grrr.

For Talya said...

What a failure of a comment -- some people just don't think. How insensitive do you have to be to say something that's offensive and hurtful to so many people -- adoptive parents, adopted children, people struggling with infertility, and of course anyone who has ever lost a baby or an older child. What we would all give to have our babies back, turning into toddlers, and preschoolers and kindergartners and beyond.

I apologize, because this is very judgmental on my part, but people who are so selfish as to think that way shouldn't have children, period. Totally unbelievable. I'm sorry you had to endure that.

Thinking of you and Julius as Thanksgiving nears...

- Adina

Rona Fernandez said...

I f**king hate people sometimes. I try not to, but they make it so easy. Why are people so self-centered and cruel? I'm so sorry that that person said that to you. I hope someone overheard that interaction who knows about your loss of your beautiful son and schooled that person well. In the meantime, sending a big hug to you Mama. <3

Deanna said...

it absolutely infuriates me when someone says this...as if it's advice or wisdom. I'm so sorry you had to overhear this. :( xoxo

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