31

today is my 31st birthday. i read over the post i made last year about turning 30. this year the feelings going into today were drastically different from last year. last year i was just 3 months into my grief journey, and not at all interested in acknowledging or celebrating the day. now 15 months in, i'm still not much for "celebrating" but didn't mind too much having others acknowledge my birthday.  i spent the day at home, hanging out with D, with a candle lit for our boy, and snuggling with our little girl, the newest member of our family - Juju's little sister. fully aware of the fact that someone special is missing, but feeling completely surrounded by love nonetheless. and so very thankful that these 3 special people make up my little family.

yes you read that correctly, and no you didn't miss the announcement. D and i recently welcomed our 2nd child into the world. and she has been such a light in our lives in the midst of the darkness. i have several reasons why i decided to be private about this pregnancy. but mostly it's just been too hard for me to deal with the continued grief, and all of the emotions that went along with being pregnant after losing a child.

so what will happen to Julius' blog? well, grief is an ongoing process, so i will definitely keep this blog dedicated to grieving my son. baby girl's journey will be kept separate in a private blog that i started for her shortly after i found out i was pregnant with her. she may make an appearance or two in this blog, but only in regard to our family grieving Julius {she is part of our grief journey too now}.

we are incredibly excited to be earthly parents again and to now be a family of 4 {though we desperately wish all of our family was here}. but to be honest, we are also terrified. once you lose a child, i think you always fear the possibility of having to face that pain again. so please keep us in your thoughts and prayers...