Sunday, January 15, 2012

31

today is my 31st birthday. i read over the post i made last year about turning 30. this year the feelings going into today were drastically different from last year. last year i was just 3 months into my grief journey, and not at all interested in acknowledging or celebrating the day. now 15 months in, i'm still not much for "celebrating" but didn't mind too much having others acknowledge my birthday.  i spent the day at home, hanging out with D, with a candle lit for our boy, and snuggling with our little girl, the newest member of our family - Juju's little sister. fully aware of the fact that someone special is missing, but feeling completely surrounded by love nonetheless. and so very thankful that these 3 special people make up my little family.

yes you read that correctly, and no you didn't miss the announcement. D and i recently welcomed our 2nd child into the world. and she has been such a light in our lives in the midst of the darkness. i have several reasons why i decided to be private about this pregnancy. but mostly it's just been too hard for me to deal with the continued grief, and all of the emotions that went along with being pregnant after losing a child.

so what will happen to Julius' blog? well, grief is an ongoing process, so i will definitely keep this blog dedicated to grieving my son. baby girl's journey will be kept separate in a private blog that i started for her shortly after i found out i was pregnant with her. she may make an appearance or two in this blog, but only in regard to our family grieving Julius {she is part of our grief journey too now}.

we are incredibly excited to be earthly parents again and to now be a family of 4 {though we desperately wish all of our family was here}. but to be honest, we are also terrified. once you lose a child, i think you always fear the possibility of having to face that pain again. so please keep us in your thoughts and prayers...

45 comments:

Our Journey said...

Happy Birthday Tiffany! JuJu is celebrating with you and his baby sister is just beautiful!! I'm glad you annnounced it here. It's a safe place and I'm sure everyone is just thrilled for you, as I am and have been.

Melissa said...

A huge Congratulations and Happy Birthday to you!

Angie said...

Happy birthday and congratulations!

Keeping 2 blogs was not for me, I figured that Lucas and Olivia were already separated enough, I consider my blog our "family" blog, but I can understand separating them as well.

I know when you have a new little person after losing a baby, it is terrifying. But I have found that I relax more and more every month that goes by. But it's hard I know (in so many ways!), especially those first few months. Hang in there.

Caroline said...

Happy Birthday Tiffany & A Huge Congrats !!

So very happy for you all. {{{{<3}}}}

Mary said...

Happy Birthday and Congratulations on your new little girl!!! So happy that you were surrounded by love as your birthday passed. Thank you for sharing your precious son with us. He has really touched our lives in a great way. If ever you feel comfortable with sharing your beautiful baby girl with us, we would love to meet her too. Even if you never do, I am just so happy to know that she had a safe journey into your arms. God bless your beautiful family of four!
Love,
Mary

LauraJane said...

Happy birthday Tiffany. I know Julius is smiling down upon you today (and always). Hope today hasn't been too horrible. Xox mamma.

Liz said...

Happy birthday and congratulations! Your daughter is so incredibly blessed to have you and D as parents and Julius as a big brother.

kc said...

Happy birthday Tiffany and a HUGE congratulations on your new baby. I continue to pray for you and D everyday and now I'll add JuJu's sister. I hope one day, you'll share a little bit of JuJu's sister on this blog.

Amelia said...

Happy Birthday and congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I continue to pray for you and Dennis. I know giving Julius a baby sister must be very bittersweet. God bless you & hugs to your family. Much love.

Natasha said...

Happy birthday Tiff! Kiss baby girl for me!

Rochelle said...

I was so thrilled to read this! Congratulations on becoming a beautiful family of 4.

crystal said...

Happy Birthday!!! Congratulations on the new baby. If she looks anything like Julius then I know that she is Beautiful!!! Praying for you always and also praying for peace!!!

For Talya said...

Wishing you a peaceful birthday and a year ahead that is as beautiful as it can be in light of everything you've gone through and your ongoing grief. You, D, Julius, and the newest member of your beautiful family are very much in my thoughts and prayers. I wish we lived closer to one another and could meet for tea.

J said...

Happy birthday and many many congratulations im sure Juju is looking down on you and very proud of you and D and loving his new little sister. Im sure she is beautiful. xx

S said...

Happy belated birthday! I know it can feel like a stab when someone wishes you a "happy" anything when you're grieving. But I do wish happy days ahead for you. Congrats on your new baby girl! Very exciting (and scary I know) but I'm happy you have her to cuddle and hug. You don't need to justify keeping that private. Some things just need to be that way. If it's what feels right for you then that's what's best. I did have to read this post about 3 times before it sunk in though, lol.

Kelly said...

Happy Birthday and congrats to you momma!

Mooredance said...

Happy Belated Birthday and congrats on your new addition...such a blessing!

B. Wilson said...

That was indeed a great birthday present. Aside from the obvious in missing your son, I hope your day was relaxing and delightful-- as much as it could be.

Kat said...

Happy birthday, lady! I'm sorry I'm a day late. The past day and today have been rough, but you know I didn't forget you. :) I hope it was wonderful for you and I'm so glad your darling girl made it safely into the world. May she have unlimited happiness because she'll have more than enough love, for sure.

brigette said...

OMG goodness congrats. What an amazing way to start the new year. you are an amazing mama and that sweet girl will be so loved. Happy Birthday praying for your sweet family always!

Brooke said...

Happy birthday and congratulations and huge hugs.

Rona Fernandez said...

Happy birthday and congratulations on the new addition to your family. I'm very happy for you, and hope I can join you one day in welcoming my own rainbow child into my family. I'm sure Julius is happy to have a little sister to play with and for his Mommy and Daddy to hold and love. Sending <3 and prayers your way.

Becky said...

Happy Birthday Tiffany. I can see how this birthday is better than last years since you have Julius's little sister in your arms but yet still hard knowing Julius should be right there also. I am so happy for you guys:)

Jodi said...

Wishing you a Happy Birthday! and many congrats on your precious baby girl. So very happy for you. XO

Rachel said...

Happy birthday! Congratulations on your sweet sweet baby girl!!

Dana M said...

Thinking of you! Congrats on your new little girl and much love to you and D and Juju!!

loyo03 said...

Happy Birthday! I am so happy for you and Dennis. Your little girl and Julius are so fortunate to have the two of you as parents. Congrats!

Lindsay said...

Happy birthday, and congratulations! I know Julius is so proud of you all. There will always be fear...as hard as I try, I still struggle with the fear of losing Collen...of losing another child. But with fear comes hope, and with hope we can make it through each day. Hug that sweet baby girl :)

LJ2Blessed said...

Happy Belated birthday Tiffany! I pray that your day was special and memorable. Congratulations on your baby girl, continuing to keep the Torres family in my prayers!

Alissa said...

Oh, wow, Tiffany... I am so, so happy for you. Thrilled for your new bundle of joy in your family and thrilled for what the year ahead will bring you. Sending lots of love. Btw, I have been missing you lots on FB. Just know that no matter what so many of us will always be here for you. ((hugs))

sprkl80 said...

Congratulations on your little one, Tiffany. Always thinking of you and your husband.

Ashley said...

Oh my gosh - congrats!!! Wow, how exciting, so happy for you!!

Happy Birthday as well! ((Hugs))

I'd love to be invited to your private blog, if ya want :) ashleyelder82@gmail.com

Susan said...

So pleased with your news.

I want to come for tea with Tayla's mum and you too... maybe we could meet in the middle.. (I think that would probably be somewhere in the Atlantic - not especially convenient) To be a parent again, for Madeleine to have a sibling she will never know, except through me.. these are very difficult things... Just wish I could take her to Bereaved Mum and Tots...

I do wonder if it woudl be good to set up a space somewhere to chat online about parenting after loss - the same way other unbereaved parents get to chat about nappy rash and weaning... Maybe we should do something like that?

TanaLee Davis said...

HOLY cow....I was like did I miss something? Okay glad to know I'm not the only one. lol Congrats on your baby girl. If you are comfortable I'd like to see your blog about your new baby...you can email @ pinkpokadotz90@yahoo.com with a link or something. hugs-
Felicia

starsmaycollide said...

Congrats on your baby girl! How exciting for you and D. Glad you were able to spend your birthday with so much love. I am glad you will continue to write here. Still thinking of you and your family often.

AllAngela said...

I kept waiting for a pregnancy announcement from you. I'm so glad you've welcomed a baby girl into your family. I know she will help with your healing as you still grieve the loss of Julius.

Nicole said...

Thrilled that your baby girl is in your arms, safe and healthy!!!

Happy birthday as well!

We'll continue to keep your family in our prayers as you miss Julius!

Angie said...

She's here!!! So incredibly happy for you love. What a perfect birthday present xo

Debo said...

...Congratulations and Happy Birthday, again!! Lots of Love to your Family...and...Prayer's

amourningmom said...

Keeping you all in my thoughts & prayers. I could not agree with you more about the fear (and that grief is an ongoing journey). I do want to wish you and D all the best with your new baby girl & happy birthday to you! Take care.

Mary said...

I don't know how I missed this post, but congratulations on your new little girl and happy birthday! Hugs and prayers for you momma!

Christina said...

Tiffany there isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of you and D and Juju. I pray for you often. I'm so very happy for you that you have added to your family and sad that you have to continue on in your journey missing Juju. He is watching over you and D and his new baby sister. (I hope to read more about her some day) Much love to you all!

Holly said...

Congrats! So happy for you for the birth of your little girl

MrsH said...

Huge, huge Congratulations!! I was wondering when this was coming :) grin

Rhiannon said...

Oh my gosh, this is amazing! Congratulations on the birth of Juju's baby sister! Baby girl will grow up knowing how amazing her big brother is and loving him so much. Sending you big hugs and lots of love to your sweet family of 4. <3

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