Friday, January 14, 2011

my birthday

tomorrow is my birthday. i will be turning the big 3-0. oddly enough, i used to dread this birthday. i used to think that turning 30 is when you had to start thinking about your own mortality. well, i've been there, done that already, so i guess that's out of the way. and i think i've aged so much mentally and physically over the last 3 months, that turning 30 makes me feel like i'm getting younger. obviously, with all that has happened, i don't feel like celebrating anything, especially not a milestone birthday like 30. i was actually hoping to ignore my birthday all together. but i won't. mostly because it seems like the universe doesn't want me to {more on that later}. so i will acknowledge the day, through the eyes of a mother.

tomorrow 30 years ago, i was born {the first born} into the world. birthed naturally by my mom. 30 years ago i changed the lives of my parents. i {hopefully} taught them a love they never knew, like Julius taught me. i {hopefully} brought love and happiness into their lives, like Julius did to ours. to think of my life meaning to someone what Julius means to me gives me a whole new appreciation for my parents. funny how that happens, eh?

a very good friend of mine, whom i have known since kindergarten, and who traveled many many miles {with her loving family that i have also known that long} for Juju's memorial service sent me a card yesterday, and she said something that made me think {thank you, smelly}. she said "I know you're not in a place for celebrating much these days, but I do hope you take a moment to recognize all of your accomplishments over the past 30 years." wow, she's right. i do need to take a moment to think about all i have accomplished so far. i have a wonderful husband that fills my life with love and laughter {though usually at him} daily. i graduated from the school of my dreams {go canes!}. i have a great job. i went on to get a master's degree. i've paid off debt. i own a house. i've accomplished more than i could have ever hoped for. i am truly blessed. and though i only got to hold him in my arms for a short time, my greatest accomplishment came to me on may 30, 2010, when i became a mother for the 1st time to my son, Julius Luciano. ♥ when i put things in perspective, i'm not sure why i ever dreaded turning 30.

my gift to me:
so back to the universe not wanting me to forget this day...on Juju's 3 month angel-versary i also ended up with my very special birthday present. i am mildly obsessed with the artist natasha wescoat. i have a tapestry of one of her paintings and several of her prints in our house. i find her work so whimsical, and colorful. looking at her work always makes me smile. so when i saw that she opened up a few slots for custom paintings, i *knew* that i had to attempt to get a spot, and have something done in honor/memory of Julius. so i emailed her, and prayed. and then SHE emailed me back, and told me that she would "love" to do something to help us remember our baby boy. SHE, the natasha wescoat, is going to do a custom painting for me in honor of my Julius. i really don't even have the words to adequately express how truly happy this makes me. i'm just so excited, and can't wait to see it {she said she would send me a pic before she sends it} and share it with all of you.

my gift from you:
now i'd like to ask you all for a favor - my birthday present from you {bold statement, i know, but bear with me}. i share my birthday with a very special little girl. her name is Ellie. unfortunately, like Juju, she left her parents way too soon. please, visit my dear friend, tiffany's, blog and flood her with the love and support you all have shown me. read all about her little Ellie. that little girl's smile could light up a room. i know that Ellie and Juju are probably celebrating together. but for those of us left behind, these milestone days {it would have been her 1st birthday} are exceptionally difficult. tiffany, i'm always thinking about Ellie, but i will be holding you both extra close to my heart tomorrow. ♥

14 comments:

Vero said...

I'm glad you had something so great happen. It is nice to hear that something made you happy after all the pain and sadness.

Angie said...

I hope your birthday is a good day, or at least as good as it can be. (Happy early birthday.) I can't wait to see the painting, that's so exciting. And you are right, the first birthdays are so very bittersweet and hard.

Rachel said...

Happy birthday, sweet girl!!

Lisa said...

Oh that Smelly! I checked out Natasha's website its my kind of art, love it! Can't wait to see what she creates for you. One thing is for sure I know it will bring you comfort everytime you look at it. I hope you have a peaceful birthday:)Love the post especially the part about your parents;)

Tiffany said...

Tiffany, Thank you so much for including Ellie in your post. That was so kind and thoughtful. Tomorrow will definitely be a tough day- a day that will be nothing like we planned. Our babies will definitely be up there celebrating. It always makes me smile to think of Ellie & Julius and all the other little Angels up there playing & waiting for their Mommy's. You and Juju will be in my thoughts tomorrow. I won't tell you Happy Birthday, because I laughed every time someone told me that, but I hope you can have a not so crappy day :)

Marie W said...

Have a gentle birthday Tiffany. {hugs}

Mary said...

Tiffany,
I will pray for Ellie's family and yours as well. I hope the day is gentle to both families. I gave you a blog award because you and your precious Julius have touched my heart. Stop by my blog when you get a chance to pick it up.
Love,
Mary

MrsH said...

Love the art, her paintings are my style. Happy Birthday! Turning 30 is a big deal for sure. You have accomplished so much, and need to take the time to be proud and revel in your accomplishments. Hope you go out and celebrate with people you love.

ssssnjj said...

Tiffany, Happy 30th birthday. Juju is definetly celebrating from above.

Rhiannon said...

I hope that your birthday is gentle on you. Any milestone(ours or theirs) is hard when we don't have our babes in our arms. ((hugs))

I am so excited about Juju's custom artwork. What a special gift. I hope that it will bring you much needed comfort.

Welcome to the 30s...they aren't that bad. ;)

Emmy said...

Wishing you a peace filled day.

Tiffany said...

Wishing you a not-so-completely-awful-want-to-stay-in-bed-all-day Birthday. Our babies were celebrated and celebrating today. I'm sure they are all jacked up on birthday cake right now. Thinking of you

Kaylan in MN said...

Thought about you all day today, Tiffany. You are a beautiful woman who has done amazing things in her 30 years on this Earth - most amazing, your beautiful little piece of perfection, Julius. Hope the day went ok. {{{Hugs}}}

lis said...

i need your email :)
xoxo
lis

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