Wednesday, August 22, 2012

i need you, my love

Dear Juji Muji,

I miss you. Tomorrow we will be attending the SIDS conference on behalf of our non-profit, and I'm so nervous. We've been so busy getting ready for it that it hasn't really registered what we will be doing. I'm not really sure what to expect. But I know that it will be a day of thinking of you, and what happened on the absolute worst day of our lives. It will be a day of reliving the day my heart literally broke in half. I'm hoping that I won't be asked about that day too much. But that I will get to do a lot of bragging about my firstborn baby boy, and his very meaningful life.

our display board for the conference

You aren't here with us physically, but you are deeply missed. You are constantly thought about. You are forever loved and cherished. Though your life was so incredibly short, you had such a profound, lasting impact on us and the world.

I wish I could kiss your sweet face again.
I wish I could brush your curly hair again.
I wish I could cuddle all 19lbs of your delicious chubbiness again.
I wish I could stick my nose in your neck rolls and breathe in your wonderful baby smells again.

But until then, I will keep working on things that bring me close to you. Until then, I will brag and talk about you to anyone who will listen. Until then, I will tell your little sister all about you...

the 3 of us

Help me get through tomorrow, please. Stay extra close to me and surround me with your love.

I miss you and love you so much,
Mommy

10 comments:

B. Wilson said...

You know, sometimes I read your words and feel so sorry for you-- like I can't believe what you've endured and will continue to endure without your Juju. But then I realize that I have a similar written story of love and loss and longing.

I an excited/anxious for you to share about your boy tomorrow. Your words are so filled with undeniable love, my friend. It's truly, truly beautiful.

Angie said...

Thinking of you. You will do brilliantly, I am sure.

Molly said...

Thinking of you and Julius tomorrow and hoping everything goes well. You'll be wonderful.

Caroline said...

Wishing you lots of strength and peace.

We all miss him along with you.

And 19lbs at 4.5 months!? What a hunk of love! :)

LauraJane said...

Hoping tomorrow goes so well for you. He will most definitely be by your side. xox

Adina said...

Thinking of you lots, and sending big hugs and good thoughts your way, tomorrow especially. Sweet Julius is with you, I am sure.

Natasha said...

He'll be with you for sure. Praying for you tomorrow. Lots of love girly <3

rebecca said...

Have had you guys on my mind all day today, sending love & prayers for peace, strength, and guidance at the conference and that you feel the presence of Julius when you need it most. You will touch so many people through this and the ripple effect will likely be so much farther then you can imagine!

TanaLee Davis said...

Hoping the best in your conference. My thoughts are with you-
Felicia

SG said...

Hope it went as well as possible.

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