Thursday, December 27, 2012

triggers triggers everywhere

this morning, i opened my email to find a donation solicitation email with the subject line "Xander stopped breathing..." sent by the March of Dimes (though the sender's name was Jennifer Howse).


before i get on my soapbox, let me start off by saying that i respect MoD as an organization and i'm thankful to them for all of the research they do and support they give to families. i have several dear friends BLMs and non-BLMs that have benefited from the amazing work that MoD has done...

BUT i think that email was tasteless and insensitive. before i even realized it was from MoD, i thought it was from a parent who had recently lost her child, found my information through my blog, and was contacting me for support. my heart skipped a beat. i was immediately taken back to *that* day. the day that MY son stopped breathing. the day that my world shattered around me.

and though i'm happy that "xander" and his family had their "happy ending" as the email goes on to say, my son's story did not. he is gone. i'm broken hearted. and thinking that there was another family that was reaching out to me because they had lost their child, got me immediately emotional. to open that email and realize that they were only requesting a donation made me livid.

i have donated to MoD in the past without any problem. as i said before, i fully support them and their mission. but using that email subject line, in my opinion, to get a certain response from their reader is unacceptable. not everyone is going to have a positive reaction reading that. there are those of us who have lost children, and reading those words are hurtful. and i would think that an organization such as MoD would understand that - not every family has a happy ending, and some of those families are on their distribution list, unfortunately.

i have contacted MoD (by email/FB message), and have explained to them why i found their email hurtful. i know there are some that don't understand why it hurts me as much as it does, and that's ok. i'm not trying to launch an attack on them at all. but it is important for me to stand up for my grief, and to bring this issue to their attention. it helps lessen the pain they've caused me today.

10 comments:

Caroline said...

I had the same one & I felt hurt to. I think I will send them a email too. It should have been worded different wasn't expecting that to be from them like that. {{{ Hugs }}}

Jessica said...

I received a slightly different email from them and it was a huge trigger for me as well. I also support their mission but their solicitations are frequent and not the best thought out. It's clear they are going for the heart strings of someone that doesn't know what it's like but for those of us that didn't get a happy ending it is a kick in the gut. I'll be contacting them also.

B. Wilson @ Windy {City} Wilsons said...

I'm glad you spoke up. It makes me crazy to think that they would send out a message like that. Pulling at heartstrings or not, it's unacceptable.

Obviously the person who wrote the email didn't actually have their child stop breathing like many of us have. I'm sorry that was such a trigger. I would've been an emotional wreck if I'd received the email, too. :/

S said...

I'm so sorry this happened. I've had moments like this of my own. What you're doing is the right thing. It makes your grief feel exploited and, somehow, minimizes the reality for those parents that didn't get their "happy ending" but instead had to say goodbye. It is a hard thing to explain why stuff like this is hurtful but the great thing is that you don't have to. You don't have to explain your reaction or justify it. Most parents don't know the pain of losing a child so you can never explain to them the hurt of using a statement like the one in the email subject in order to gain something. My mom tried to start an infant clothing line using my daughter's name for the company. My sister and I could never get through to her why it was so hurtful for her to think it was ok to do ANYTHING using my daughter's name in order to make money. Even "in memory of". It's just not right for anyone to gain financially by what our children went through.

Mary said...

I reacted the same and ended up unsubscribing and sending them a very sternly written email. I was sewriously upset by that. Ridiculous.

LauraJane said...

Yup, it's making things dramatic for the sake of donations. What doesn't help is that there are those of us who actually have lost their babies and this isn't what we needed to read just a few days after Christmas (or at all).

I also really hate that the sender is someone's name and not MoD, as though they know more people will read it bc it appears personalized. Makes me angry.

Sorry you had a hard morning, I didn't bother to read the email after I realized who the sender was, but I was p'ed by it too. xox

Molly said...

I thought the exact thing--that someone from support group or something was reaching out. So pussed when I saw what it was. Didn't even read it. Thank you for emailing them.

Natasha said...

I was also so upset about this email. I actually deleted it when I realized it was from MoD and then went back and decided to send them an email letting them know why it was so upsetting. I have worked with MoD every year since Aiden passed away because I think the work they do is important. However this kind of thing is just crazy and I'm so shocked they would send an email like this. I'm actually thinking of contacting the person I work with at the local MoD office to let them know as well.

So sorry you had to deal with that this morning. I forgot to tell you that when I called <3

Jessica Watson said...

I saw that and felt the exact same way. So sorry you saw it too.

April Meyer said...

Wow, that is SO very insensitive and offensive! I am so glad you reached out to them and I hope they took your feedback seriously.

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