Blog Award

i'm always very humbled when someone tells me that they read {and enjoy} my blog. i know i've said it before, but it really just started out as a way for me to document my pregnancy/motherhood journey. and when Juju passed away, i seriously contemplated shutting my blog down, especially after i received some nasty comments. but i decided not to. i decided to keep his memory alive. i decided to document my life without him and my grief journey. after all, it is because of him that my heart was {is} wide open, and i had to share it with whoever was bored enough to listen {or read}.

and i am definitely beside myself whenever anyone recognizes me. so i have to say "thank you" not only mary from Blessed Not Crazy, but to trena from Free to Fly for doing just that and giving me this blog award.

**edited to add: sweetly enough i was given this award by 2 more amazing women, MrsH and Jessica. thank you, ladies, for the award. i appreciate it more than words can say**

Here are the rules that come with receiving this award....

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award!

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So onto the 7 things about myself:

• i'm an engineer, and a pretty typical engineer at that {introverted, and boring}. though in recent years i have broken out of my shell somewhat, i'm still an engineer to the core.
• one of the ways that i broke myself out of my engineer shell is by signing up to get certified to teach Zumba fitness back in 2007. on a whim {which is very unlike me} i registered for a workshop, and drove out to NC one weekend with D in tow to attend. i have been teaching ever since Nov 2007, and i love it. i taught all throughout my pregnancy with Juju, and took a short break after i had him, and after he passed away, but i have continued to teach through my grief. there is no way that i could stop teaching, i have become so close to the members at the gym, and they have been such a strong support system for me during this incredibly painful time. they say that they need me, but i really need them.
• i have a tattoo that i got in college of a dragon on my back {think of the little dragon, mushu, from mulan}, and i'm thinking of getting another one in honor of Juju. i'm thinking that after i see the painting natasha wescoat is doing for me, i may have someone sketch a smaller version of it so that i can get that as a tattoo, but it all depends on how complicated the painting is.
• i have never seen the entire video of michael jackson's thriller. the video and the song freak me out completely. when i was younger and it would come on tv, i would run into my parent's room and lock the door until it was over. and i would probably do the same if it came on now. D actually hums the song and does some of the dance moves on occasion to scare me. he's mean, i know.
• i had never broken a bone until april of 2009 when i went on vacation with D to visit his family in puerto rico. on day 2 of our vacation {and btw, we were there for his cousin's wedding} i decided it would be a good idea to try and ride a horse. the horse reared up on its hind legs, i got scared and tried to get off of it quickly, stepped down on the cement too quickly {and the wrong way}, and that was that. i broke my ankle and a bone in my leg, and had to have surgery while in puerto rico. got out of the hospital in time to miss his cousin's wedding and fly out the next day. that was a lot of fun. and an injury that i am still recovering from.
• the only pets i have ever owned were guinea pigs. and i was so looking forward to buying Juju his first piggy.
• i was mildly obsessed with pokemon...in college. weird, i know. and i'm not sure why i'm posting this because i'm pretty sure everyone is now sitting behind their computers laughing out loud at me, but there it is. i actually have a bag of pokemon toys that i collected when burger king {or mcdonald's} was giving them away in their kid's meal. and was hoping that Juju would play with them when he got to that age.

now, i know it says to give the award to 15 bloggers, but the thing is, i can't. 15 is just not enough. and if i included all of the bloggers that i follow, i would be here for a few days. so i'm going to award it to everyone on my blog list {on the side}. and if you happen to be on my blog list, consider yourself awarded! :) if you are not on my blog list, and would like to share your blog with me {i truly love read blogs...i draw my "strength" from the women who's blogs i read} please post a comment with your blog, and i will add you to my list.

Acts of kindness...

again i'm amazed that whenever i feel like i'm about to slip into a hole of sadness, someone swoops down to rescue me {or at least pulls me a little closer to the light}. today i want to thank 2 wonderful ladies that i had the privilege to "meet" while on my journey through grief {and whom are also on their own respective journeys through grief}.

the first person i want to thank is mary over at Micah's Gift. after she lost her precious Micah, she wrote Micah's name on a blade of wild grass so that she could essentially watch Micah grow. she now offers to write the names of fellow BLMs' angel babies in the grass, so that not only will Micah have friends, but they can all "grow" and "play" together in this patch of wild grass that is never cut. and you know me, once i came across her blog, and saw that i could have this done for Juju, I jumped at the chance. as i mentioned in my last post, i am desperate to hold onto my baby in any way, shape or form, so i'm always excited about a new opportunity to do just that. i sent mary my request, and within hours, she had written Julius' name, and sent me the pic of my "Juju grass". my heart was just overcome with love. it brings me comfort to think of Julius "playing" with Micah and friends - waiting for me. :') thank you so much, mary, for filling in some of the emptiness of my heart with love.


the next lovely lady that i would like to thank is ms. angie over at Expectations Revised. she was kind enough to give me this blog award. it still makes me blush to think that there are people out there that read {and actually *like* my blog}. so i thank you angie from the bottom of my heart for this award. i feel honored that you take time out of your day/life to read my blog, and walk with me on my journey.

The rules of this award are:

1. Link back to the person who gave it to you
2. Pass it on to five (or more) other blogs
3. Leave them a comment telling them about the award

to pass this award on to *just* 5 women/blogs would be an injustice. i have had the pleasure of discovering so many blogs that have been so inspirational to me. honestly, if i had not found these women i would have felt much more alone during this time. it has been so eye-opening to see how many women are affected by baby loss. it's just so unfair. so even though it means that i may have to take several hrs to complete #3. i'm going to recognize a lot of my fellow BLMs who's blogs i follow {and i apologize profusely to anyone i have accidentally excluded on this list}:

Lindsay at Keeping up with the Joneses
Denise at This Momma's Journey
Lindsay at The Chipmans
Rebecca at The Road Less Traveled
Megan at A Story Unfolding...
Rhiannon at For the Love of Harper
Rachel at Curls O Fred
Kam at Our New Normal
Kimberly at God Keeps His Promises
MrsH at A Second Line
Kalialani at The Butterfly Room
Organized Chaos at Abigail's Legacy of Hope
Tiffany at In the Beginning There Was Genesis
Jen at Attempting to Love Life without Her...
Trena at Free to Fly
Kristin at Dear Stevie
Littleharves at Harveys World - Remember to Breathe
Lis at Built-in Birth Control
Stephanie at Carried Through Grief
Karol at Loving Laynee
Patty at Journey of Loss, Hope and Faith
Franchesca at My Heart Song

**and to those i have recognized, please know that i do not mind one bit if you do not feel like "playing along". we are all in the midst of grief, and taking the time to post about a blog award sometimes is just NOT doable {we need to conserve all the energy we can while mourning}. i just wanted to take the time to thank you all for giving me some inspiration/motivation. i appreciate every last one of you more than you will know.**