heartbroken...

i was planning to update with J's 4 week progress, but don't really have the heart to right now...

yesterday i found out that one of my dear friends, who was expecting a little girl in Oct, lost her baby. i've been absolutely heartbroken since finding out. i posted a blog entry a few months ago asking for prayer requests for her. and here i am again asking for more prayer requests for her. i can not imagine what she and her hubby are going through right now. but i do know that they do not deserve this pain. they are the most loving, caring people; and it just makes me sick to my stomach that they are dealing with this. i know that there really isn't anything that can be done to lessen the pain they are feeling, but if you are out there reading, please please say a prayer for them...

Wordless Wednesday: Our trip to the Doc Yesterday

J had to get pricked in the heel for a PKU test. It was so sad to
watch my baby upset! :(

3 weeks old

yesterday was J's 3 week birthday! i can't believe it's already been that long. and even more shocking - we all got to this point unscathed. taking care of J is getting easier as each day passes. and i feel like little by little i'm returning to my normal (or at least my new normal). this weekend i even faced my fear of taking him out by myself. grant it, we went to a breastfeeding moms meeting at a local maternity/nursing store (so it was sort of like a "safe" outing because i knew i wouldn't be embarrassed to feed/change him if he got grumpy). but that still counts! the only trouble i had was juggling him and the diaper bag. but i'm sure with time i'll be a pro at that.

i tried to get a pic of him last night on his actual 3 wk birthday, but i apparently missed my window of opportunity because i only got shots like this...

he was hungry, and wasn't having it!

but today he was much more cooperative...

so as of this morning, here are J's stats:

weight: 10 lbs (of course he did have his cloth diaper and his onesie on, so skim a little off of that)

milestones:

• he loves to stare at ceiling fans/lights
• he is starting to push off on people (with his feet) if you stand him up on your lap
• he is starting to smile at times other than when he's sleeping or passing gas
• he's having more awake time (which is really interfering with my alone/productive time)
• he has more control of his hands/fingers, and is starting to grip onto things
  

Spoiling my newborn??

i've been thinking alot about this recently because i've had several conversations this past week in which people end up saying the same thing to me - that {insert action of mine} is essentially "spoiling my baby." is it even possible to spoil a newborn?

now, i will admit, i tend to be a little "hippie" in my approach to parenting J (and in general) - i mean, we're cloth diapering, baby-wearing, no stroller owning (not yet at least), exclusive breast-feeding, co-sleeping people. and i do try as best as i can to minimize the amount of crying that he does (and that i hear). not necessarily because i hate to hear J cry (which i do), but because i really want to find out quickly why he is in discomfort and resolve it. and he has made it incredibly easy on us so far since he only really cares about being fed.

it's weird to me when people make comments about spoiling babies because to me that implies that babies are manipulating/conspiring against us. and i don't believe that newborns have the ability to plot like that. i do understand setting boundaries and letting them know where they fall in the pecking order once they get a bit older (and you *know* they are manipulating), but a 3 wk old? J (and babies his age) only cry so that one of their basic needs can be met. and is it not my duty as his parent to meet all of his *basic* needs (i.e food, shelter, clothing, etc)?

so, unfortunately (well, fortunately for him), no, i won't be letting him "cry it out" anytime soon. and no, i won't be banishing him from our room. and we will continue to do what we've been doing because it's been working for us. now don't get me wrong, i pass no judgment on those that do things completely opposite from the way i do them. whatever floats your boat! but i'm really curious what other people think about this one. can you really spoil a baby???

The babymoon is over!

well, the babymoon is over, unfortunately! D went back to work this morning, and that means back to reality. i've really enjoyed having D around and tackling this whole parenting thing together. i call D "the baby whisperer" because he is already so good with J, and has a way of calming him down when i just need a moment. it's been quite a transition, but it's been a lot of fun too! our little J is 15 days old, and he's grown so much. he was 7lbs 2oz when he was born. 7lbs exactly on 6/1 (2 days after he was born), and then 9lbs last monday (6/7). we've been exclusively breastfeeding, so i'm glad that he is gaining weight so steadily.

so far J seems like he has D's personality. he's pretty laid back, and a bit serious - like a little old man. he doesn't really cry - unless he is hungry and i don't feed him quickly enough (but calms down once he starts eating), or is being changed (but calms down as soon as you pick him up - and then feed him). he sleeps *alot*, but we've noticed that he is having more awake time. really the only thing he really cares about is being fed. it doesn't even bother him to have a dirty diaper. which is probably the reason that he's put on so much weight! :) he also has much better head/neck control. and when put down, he loves to jerk his arms/legs around. it's so funny!!

it's also so cool to look over pics we've taken of him, and see how much he's changed already. here he is at his newborn photo shoot on his 1 wk birthday...

and then a day before his 2 wk birthday...

he is really filling out!!

a couple of days ago, he had his first visitor since he was born - my sis. he was so cooperative (after he was fed), and just sat with her and her boyfriend while they got all up in his face. i tell you, nothing phases this child.


of course it hasn't been all been gumdrops and lollipops. we've had some challenges along the way...

• breastfeeding is NOT easy. great oden's raven, i can't believe how much work and dedication it takes to feed a child through this natural/biological process. it's just wrong what the female body has to endure just to birth and then feed a baby. i'll spare everyone the gory details!! but luckily, it's getting a little easier.
  
• J definitely has an internal timer that goes off every 2 hrs, which makes sleeping very difficult.....for me! D has pulled some night time daddy duty, but i deal with the vast majority of it because, well, i'm the primary food source.
• leaving the house is a nightmare. D and i have taken J out a couple of times, but each time it's been a major production. there is just so much thought that goes into leaving the house that it's sometimes not even worth it. 2 out of the 3 times he had a minor meltdown (which ended after he was fed), but that led to me having a major meltdown. i still have not left the house with him alone. and quite frankly, the thought freaks me out. hopefully, i will face that fear soon enough.
• J constantly wants to be held. which i love, but sometimes i need to put him down. luckily i have a couple of carriers to hold him in. but i'm considering getting another one (mei tai) that is easier to get on and off.

but even with all of these challenges, i can't help but constantly stare at his precious little face in amazement. i seriously can't believe that i grew this little jelly bean!!

Julius' Birth Story

At about 1:00 am on 5/30, I woke up due to contractions I was feeling. I decided to go use the bathroom and see if that would help. By the time I got back into bed, D had come in the room to go to sleep. I told him what was happening, and we decided to time them. After timing them for about an hour, they were about 6-7 mins apart, and about 1.5 mins long. But they weren’t anything that took my focus, so at around 2am we put on my Hypnobirthing relaxation playlist (which I used every night to go to sleep for the last 6 mo) and I went to sleep.

We woke up later that morning at 8:30 am. I didn’t notice anything at first and thought that what happened earlier that morning was just another teaser. But a few minutes after waking up, I felt a couple more contrx like I had felt earlier. And then the intensity of the contrx picked up. I noticed that it was no longer comfortable to lay in bed, and I needed to dedicate some attention to getting through the contrx. We got out of bed and moved into the bathroom where we started timing them again. For a while they were coming every 3.5 mins for about 40-60 mins. We were so confused about the timing of the contrx (even though we were using an app on my phone). The contrx didn’t have the pattern that we were looking for, so I think we both doubted a little that I was actually in labor. D took a shower to get ready in case things continued to progress the way they were, and I continued to work through the contrx. When he finished, I took a shower (just in case).

We moved to the kitchen to make something to eat. By this time (around 9:30 am), I really did not feel like eating, but I knew that if I was seriously in labor I would need something in my stomach. Luckily, the day before I bought a few cups of instant miso soup, and D made me one of those, which worked perfectly because there was very little to chew (it was mostly broth) and wasn’t very heavy at all. While we ate, I continued to work through contrx (mostly by bouncing on our exercise ball), which seemed to be coming between 6-9 mins now for about 45 -60 secs.

I went to use the bathroom, and got my first indication that I might actually be in real labor – bloody show. But I had heard of women seeing bloody show days before they actually went into labor, so I wasn’t really convinced that we were going to meet baby that day. I let D know, and after we worked through a couple more contrx, we decided to call our midwife to let her know what was going on, and get her take on things. D handled the phone call, while I went to walk around on our back patio (I really didn’t want to hear the conversation because I was afraid that she would tell us that nothing was happening, and I was already concerned that if these contrx got any worse I wouldn’t be able to handle having my natural birth).

Since the birthing clinic that we were going to is 50-60 mins away from our house, we decided it would be best (and our midwife agreed) to head over there (even if it wasn’t the “real deal”) and just hang out. Worse case scenario – we drive home later that day with no baby. But we wanted to err on the side of caution. Good thing we did! D ran around the house grabbing last min items (the majority of the stuff was already in my car), and then we set off.

We arrived at the clinic at around 11:45 am. The drive over to the clinic was uncomfortable, but not too terrible. I still had to focus to get through my contrx. When we pulled up to the clinic, D immediately grabbed my exercise ball, and we went inside to wait for our midwife. When she walked in, she said “wow, you look serious!” Which actually made me feel better that someone else (besides D and I) thought something was happening. We talked a bit about what was going on (in between contrx); she monitored a couple of my contrx; then asked if she could check me. As she checked me, it sounded as if she was a bit in shock. She asked me, “what did you expect to be?” And at that time I really just hoped that I was more than 1cm dilated. She said that I was 6 maybe 7 cm, which I was in complete shock since the contrx hadn’t been THAT bad up until this point.

She left us alone again, and I continued to work through contrx. She came back a little while after and asked if we wanted her to fill up the birth tub, which I wanted to use, and since it would take about 45 mins to get it completely filled she wanted to see if we wanted her to start the process. We said “yes”, so off she went to fill the tub. Eventually, the tub was filled enough for me to get in, so I did. The water was great, but I was having a really hard time finding a comfortable position to ride out the contrx. Sitting back was not good, and kneeling put pressure on my ankle (that is still recovering from surgery that I had last yr). So after a couple of contrx in the tub, I gave up, and got out, got dressed and headed back to my exercise ball.

A few more contrx later, I noticed (and so did my m/w) that they were feeling a bit more intense. She asked if I was feeling the need to push at all, and I said no. She actually asked a few more times over the course of the next couple if I was getting any urge to push. And I didn’t understand why she kept asking me that because I was so sure that when the baby was ready to get pushed out, I would know. I mean everyone talks about feeling as though they have to use the bathroom, and I just wasn’t feeling like that at all…yet! She asked if she could check me, and when she did she found that I was complete and told me that I could push whenever I wanted too – baby was ready to be born. And again I was in complete shock!!!

Now the fun *really* began!!!! Let me just say that the whole time I was in labor my lower back was hurting, but now as I started pushing baby out, it really started hurting like a b***h! I had no clue what to expect when it came to pushing since I thought my body would just let me know when I had to push, so this was totally unexpected. And at this point, I lost all focus of time. And all the techniques I had taught myself in order to keep my composure during labor really went out the window. I was just focused on getting his little butt out because I was in so much pain. D said that the whole pushing part lasted from 30 mins to an hr. But again, all I know is that I was just trying to find a comfortable position in which to push, and I was letting the pain get the best of me, unfortunately. But finally, at 3:52 pm on 5/30, Julius Luciano was born. My water didn’t even break, they had to break it when his head was out.

And from what I understand, when he came out, he had his little hand up by the side of his face, and after the water had broken, his cord slipped down around his neck, but luckily they moved quickly and were able to get him untangled without any problems – I didn’t even know what had happened until after everything was done. Immediately afterward, they cleaned him off, I sat back, and they put him on my chest. I hadn’t had much to eat/drink during the whole labor, so I wasn’t feeling the greatest, so D held him while I rested. but after i got something to drink/eat (my midwife had someone in her family bring me some KFC - grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, and cole slaw the best after labor meal in the world!!!). and some time to rest, i felt much much better. we spent the rest of the night at the birth clinic, and then the next day (memorial day) around 8am, the 3 of us went home together to start our lives as a family!!! :)

He's here, he's here!!!! :)

well, the day after Baby T's edd, he decided to make an appearance! he was a bit tardy for the party, but i think that's close enough to just be considered "fashionably late"!! ;) on Sun (5/30) at 3:52 pm, Baby T (Julius Luciano) made his entrance into the world. He weighed 7lbs 2oz, and was absolutely the cutest baby i had ever seen (and no i'm not just saying that, well, i guess maybe i am). active labor was about 8 hrs long and wasn't really "intense" until about the last hr or two.

i had an absolutely amazing birth coach - D was on point the entire time, and i think that's one of the biggest reasons that labor wasn't too bad (well, until the end). and our birth team was farkin' fantastic!!! i couldn't have asked for a better experience (well, maybe a little less "pain", but beggars can't be choosers, right?). birth story coming soon...