Friday, April 6, 2012

almost 2 years old

these days the sounds of baby cries and coos reverberate off of the walls of our home. these days we have sleepless nights, we "ooo" and "ahhhh" over someone's every movement. we rejoice joyfully over milestones. yet our heart still breaks. he is still missing. and to be honest, watching her grow and develop her own personality, which is that of a diva no doubt, makes it SO much harder for my heart to understand how he could be here one moment and gone the next.

Julius' 2nd birthday is coming up next month. once again i find myself dreading the month of may. this should be the month in which i celebrate all that my baby boy has accomplished in 2 years of life, and wonder what he will be like during the "terrible twos". he will forever be 4.5 months old to us. our "future" with him, cut so very short. i'm not sure what we will do to honor him during that month or on his special day, and i'm a bit stressed just thinking about it.

last week we were out shopping for clothes for me as my wardrobe had shrunk considerably due to my post pregnancy/birthing body. D was wearing our girl in the baby carrier, and is usually the case when we are out, people were stopping us to check her out and ask questions. in one store we went in, one of the employees asked her age. when we told her she said, "awww, i miss that age. i have a 2 year old now." we smiled politely and nodded, and then i had to duck into one of the sections and catch my breath. i would have an almost 2 year old. and i miss what could have been.

10 comments:

brigette said...

Im sorry moments like that sting! Ill be praying for you as sweet Julius birthday approached! Hugs mama!

Mary said...

I was thinking of Julius last night and how his birthday was coming up. I will help you however you need me to. Maybe we can actually do the lanterns? Love you:)

B. Wilson said...

Gosh, I've experienced that comment as well. It's so unfair and still so hard to believe.

:/

DandelionBreeze... aka NYMum said...

Thinking of you and Julius as his birthday approaches... love to you always xoxo

Deanna said...

I have been thinking this exact thing. River would be nearing 3 years old in a few weeks. I see little ones with older siblings at the library all the time...those older siblings are all 3! I wonder what he would be like. I take in these kiddos and try to imagine if he would be the one running and screaming or the one sitting quietly on the chair. Thinking of you as Juju's birthday approaches <3

Natasha said...

Been thinking about Julius' birthday coming up. I wish I could be there with you but we'll definitely be celebrating him in our home. Love to you always friend <3

LauraJane said...

:\ I can't begin to imagine the ham a two year Julius would be.

I love that his sister is a diva, I suspect as much about Jacks sister!

Brooke said...

This was a rough weekend for me, and I spent a lot of time thinking about what should have / would have been. It's a dark road, but an irresistible one sometimes. I wish you had both your sweet kids here with you. I know you'll find the perfect way to commemorate Julius on his birthday, whatever you decide is right for you and your family.

Susan said...

Yes - it is hard. Catherine would have been six in June - her oldest friend had just turned 5 when Catherine died - and I am starting to find it hard to imagine what she would have been like herself at 6 - almost double the age at which she died. But in time, I hope!! - I will have another 6 year old daughter as Madeleine ages. It is hard to get your head round, isn't it? What would they have been like? Will their siblings be similar?

Lots of love to you xx

toofarnorth said...

So happy for your new baby girl!
Your son, Julius is so beautiful. I wish you only the best!

Post a Comment