Monday, March 28, 2011

They Don't Know...

earlier today brooke shared her thoughts {and the poem below} about being on how it felt to be on vacation, after the loss of her precious Eliza, and be in a place where no one knows that you are a bereaved parent. i found myself thinking about this same thing this weekend while on our little getaway. i remember one occassion in particular when we got out of our car after arriving at the mall. thinking to myself that if someone looked into my car and saw Juju's car seat, they would probably assume that we still had our baby, that we were currently living out our happy ending. and then i thought about how many other cars in the mall parking lot might be painting a picture so different from their owner's reality. how many other families were just too broken to remove the car seat of a baby no longer on this earth. how many other mothers at that mall were walking around with gapping holes in their hearts. it's just astonishing that such tragedies happen somewhere out there there is a family that has *just* begun their grief journey. and in mall parking lots there are cars, like mine, that carry the memories of a once blissfully happy family.

Those who are near me do not know that you are nearer to me than they are
Those who speak to me do not know that my heart is full with your unspoken words
Those who crowd in my path do not know that I am walking alone with you
They who love me do not know that their love brings you to my heart.
-- Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)

**edited to add**
it seems like i was having temporary amnesia. i knew i wanted to post more than just the poem, but my mind must have gone blank when i went to publish my post. today i have another prayer request...

this time it is for my dear friend tabatha. tabatha is momma to ms Savanna. Savanna lost her life to SIDS a month exactly after we lost Juju. she was 7.5 months old. and today is Savanna's 1st birthday, only she is in heaven instead of in her parents' arms. tabatha, please know that you and your hubby are constantly in my thoughts and prayers, but today i am holding you especially close to my heart.


Natasha said...

This is a great poem....I have to share it.

hugs mama!

Tiffany said...

beautiful poem. I find myself thinking the same thoughts... except in my everyday life. I wonder how many people are keeping this "secret" in... that they in fact do have a child that is no longer here but have been forced to continue life without them... its so so tragic.

TanaLee Davis said...

This is a great poem.
What you said here is something I too have thought about. I on the other hand have never been able to bring the car seat in the car. TanaLee was never in a position to be in the car so it was only placed in the car get checked by the hospital. I do however often look in the back seat only to find it many out there are like me? Yeah I've thought about this every time I pass the baby section in a store.

Tiffany said...

I thought these exact same things when we went to Duluth for Christmas. And people kept saying, oh how nice to getaway for the holidays. I just wanted to scream- this isn't a break and it isn't nice. It's simply a change of scenery. I think "vacation" is just a word now. It won't ever mean the same thing- I just continue to use it because it's what everyone else understands.

M4M4 said...

that poem gets right to the point. thats exactly how it is.

@Felicia. I always look back in my van thinking it should be full with boys, but I only find one.

Becky said...

I never reached the point of getting a car seat since I assumed I would have time to buy one after the surgery before my Liam was born. I often wonder many of the same things that you have mentioned though. It always makes me wonder who else out there has felt something similar to what many of us blm's are feeling. When I walk by people in the store, can they see the hurt in my eyes, can I see the hurt in theirs. Baby sections of srotes are even harder, I wander around a lot looking at all of the wonderful I wanteed to get Liam, can people tell I'm hurt, are other blm's there just checking things out, hmmmm

Brooke said...

I know what you mean about thinking that everyone has a story we don't know. I've always heard the adage that we should practice kindness because everyone we meet is fighting a battle. I just never really got it until now.

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