so very humbled...

sometimes i really have to laugh at myself when i re-read my posts. my whole blog seems to be written by 2 completely different people {which i guess it has}. the highs and lows of grief never cease to amaze {or exhaust} me. i thought by now things would be leveling out, and my moods would get a little more consistent. but that is just more proof that grief is not something that can be defined. and for the type-a planners of the world {like me} that is the scariest part.

i've gotten several emails from people who have found my blog who have commented that my words have "helped" them. now i have never.ever.ever considered myself a good writer. actually, my 11th grade english teacher once told me that i was going to "fail" her class. so that pretty much solidified in my mind that i was never going to cut it as a writer {which is guess is why i decided to become an engineer}. and though most of the time i feel like nothing i'm writing makes sense, and that i'm completely going mad. i suppose that grief and tragedy bring you a clarity that you might not have had otherwise, as in my case. or maybe, as a friend put it, my being able to express myself in words is a special gift Julius left behind for me.

whatever the case may be, i'm truly humbled that so many have found comfort in my words and Julius' story. and i thank Ms. Erin Leatherwood at First Candle today for her email asking if they could add a link to my blog on their Online Resources page. if you have not yet checked out First Candle, please do. they have so many resources for those affected {directly or indirectly} by baby loss. here is their mission statement from their website:

First Candle is a national nonprofit health organization uniting parents, caregivers and researchers nationwide with government, business and community service groups to advance infant health and survival. Together with our national network of members and partners, we are working to ensure that every baby is given the best possible chance to reach not only his or her first birthday, but many happy birthdays beyond.

i know it was such a blessing for me to be able to work with First Candle and Erin right after Julius passed away to set up his memorial fund. and they also sent us such a wonderful care/bereavement package. so needless to say, it is an amazing privlege and honor for me to have my blog on their page. it is an amazing privlege to be able to share my light, my son with people all over the world. of course, it does make me wish that i had thought of a more eloquent title for my blog. but hey, it is what it is, right?!