Tuesday, October 25, 2011

and the grief goes on...

just because his angelversary has passed, the load has not gotten any lighter. i still miss my son so desperately. last week i was so completely drained from all of the anticipation and stress of his angelversary that by friday i could hardly focus. i spent pretty much the entire weekend laid up on the couch, in seclusion, watching movies and pinning {my new time suck hobby since deactivating my fb acct for the 2nd time - if you're on pinterest, look me up!}.

and even though i'm over that hurdle, i'm starting to anticipate the dread of the upcoming months. this will technically be our 2nd holiday season without Juju, but since we were in such shock and denial last year, it really feels like our 1st. for the most part, we have decided to ignore the holidays once again. i know that one day i will feel up to "celebrating" again {or at least i hope}, but this year it still doesn't feel right.

i know these next couple of months will be hard, not only for myself, but also for a few of my dear BLM friends as we head for holidays and angelversaries. today, my heart is with my dear friend tiffany and her family as they mark the 1st angelversary of their amazing girl Ellie. i got the opportunity to meet tiffany and her family back in july when i went on my getaway to MN. and just like all of the BLMs that i have come to know since losing Julius, i feel a deep connection to her and her baby girl. so my heart is extra heavy today. if you get a chance, please stop by her blog and read all about her precious Ellie and say a little prayer for them.


Brooke said...

Same for us--second Christmas without Eliza but last year is just a black blur of grief and shock, so this year feels like the "real" first one. We're totally skipping it and running away to Mexico for a week. All-inclusive, ADULTS-ONLY resort. No gift exchanging. As far as I'm concerned, all holidays are canceled until I give further notice.

Caroline said...

Keeping you in my prayers. I'm also holding <3 Ellie & her family close to my heart. {{{<3}}} Love you

Holidays are hard & I'm always missing my 3 children we should have had a new baby & a 1st christmas this year.

Megan said...

Even though, I cannot seem to find a minute lately to sit down and do hardly anything at the computer, I hope you know you are ALWAYS in my heart and prayers Tiff. <3

I hope the holidays are gentle on you sweety.

(And I hear pintrest is very addictive and fun, so since I've considered deactivating MY facebook account as well, I just may have to look you up!)

LauraJane said...

I was wondering where you had gone on fb, lol :)

I'm sorry the days continue to be hard, it's all so overwhelming. I'm not surprised you were exhausted after JuJu' Angelversary, it's such a rush of sadness and I really am dreading it.

Ps Thanks for the sweet card. You're cute. :)

Ashley said...

Totally thinking of you and JuJu ((Hugs)) 2nd year has been a bit harder lately for me.

LOVE pinterest BUT its taking up ALL my time :)

brigette said...

Hugs mama. You are such a strong person. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as always.

NewYearMum2.blogspot.com said...

Thinking of you over this difficult time and the holiday season... each memory must still be so painful. My heart is with you and Julius... and Tiffany and Ellie xoxo

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