I Wanted So Much For You...

i've started reading the book Empty Cradle Broken Heart by Deborah Davis. it has brought me some comfort and some perspective as i navigate through grief. in the book she includes a poem that sums up what i am feeling at this moment in my life...

I Wanted So Much For You

by Maria LaFond Visscher

I wanted so much more for you, my sweet little baby.

I wanted to change your diapers, not my life.

I wanted to nurse you, not my grief.

I wanted to dress you up, not bury you down.

I wanted to hear the sounds of your crying for me at night, not my own sounds of crying for you, my innocent, misconceived baby.

I wanted to see you grow, not the grass upon the grave.

I wanted to see you asleep in the crib, not in the casket.

I wanted to give you life, not death.

I wanted to show you off, not alone go on.

I wanted to comb your fuzzy hair, not save a lock of it.

I wanted to pick up after you, not put down my dreams for you.

I wanted to hold you in my arms, not this doll.

I wanted to walk you late at night, not my fears.

I wanted so much for you, my newly born, newly gone - child.

I wanted so much more

I wanted so much

I wanted

I wanted you.