Because of the storms and tornados down South, we've been without power for 2 days already {and will be for several more days from what we've been told}. I'm actually updating from my phone {I probably should be saving my battery}. I'm not complaining at all, it most definitely could have been worse. The destruction that some have faced is so heartbreaking. But all of the quietness and stillness has given me lots of time to think {always about him}, and miss him so much more.
Today I had to face the one thing I have been dreading since the power went out. I had to clean out the deep freezer and get rid of the stash of breastmilk. I had to let go of one of the last physical bonds I had with my son. I had to part with 4.5 months of his food, all the moments we spent together, the last time I saw him alive. It felt like I said good-bye to him all over again.
And on top of all of that, today is Spring for SIDS {SIDS Awareness Day}. My heart has been so heavy all day thinking of all of the precious little ones that have left this world, and all of the broken hearted families left behind. I have met so many wonderful SIDS families on this journey, they have provided me with so much love and support. And it pains me that so many families are facing this devastating loss. My wish is that one day no one will have to lose a baby this way {or at all, for that matter}.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
Thinking of you and sweet Juju today. I'm so sorry about the devastation. It's just awful to see others go through sadness and more loss.
So sorry you have to part with his milk...every little thing is so hard to let go of ((Hugs))
You and Julius are in my thoughts and prayers today
I am so glad you guys are ok! I remember when I threw out the last of Ellie's milk- it was probably 3 months after she passed. As I let go of it into the garbage can, everything literally went black. I couldn't see anything. I totally understand how hard this is. I am so sorry you were forced into doing this, instead of getting to do it when you were ready (as if there ever was a right time for something like this...). Sending hugs your way.
I remember coming home to a fridge with a few ounces of milk that I had pumped for Jack only days before... Pumped for a living baby who wasn't living anymore... Pouring that milk (the "liquid gold") down the drain was really hard.
Thinking of you and sweet Julius :)
Another one who is keeping you and your beautiful boy in my thoughts today and in the coming month. Sending much love. Ax
I am so glad you guys are safe- I was so worried with the storm.
I am so very sorry that you had to let go of his milk before you were ready...we definitely need whatever time we need to grieve. *sigh* This whole thing is just so wrong.
I'm praying for you as always....sending you, D, and Juju my love!
xoxo
Knowing that it was Spring for SIDS day yesterday I most definitely had you and Juju in my heart and in my thoughts all day...
I am so sorry to hear you're right in the midst of the storm and the devastation. I am thankful you are safe. I am so sorry about the milk. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been.
Sending love and light.
Thinking of you and your family. <3
Thinking of you today.
Post a Comment