Sunday, April 17, 2011

Happy List: My Friends

i had actually made up my mind yesterday that i was not going to do a happy list this week. i've had an incredibly emotional and stressful week. and as much as i needed the little boost of happiness i derive from doing the happy lists, i just could not build up the energy to type one out.

then this morning, i had another incredibly emotional experience. i found myself in a room with a nursing mother. i found myself flashing back to the day that i last held my baby boy. flashing back to the last moments i saw him alive. the last thing we did together when he was alive, the last moment i shared with him. the last time i kissed him and told him how much i loved him. it all came rushing back to me as i sat there. it all hit me in the face. i dealt with it all for a while, but then it got to be too much for me, for my heart, and i had to get out of there. i just couldn't breathe. i made it all the way home before the breakdown came {which i guess is an improvement}.

after i put myself back together again from the breakdown {with the help of my hubby and a couple of dear friends}, i realized that i did have something to be "happy" for. because during my most stressful moments this week, the ones that i could count on to help me to my feet were my friends. i have gotten so much support from my FB family, from the BLMs that i've met through blogging, and from my local support system {the Face2Face group that i co-lead}. thursday happened to be one of our get-togethers {a dinner} and a day when i was feeling particularly fragile. and they showered me with so much love and laughter that my cheeks actually hurt when i left. my cheeks hurt? i can't remember the last time i laughed that much. i can't remember the last time that i felt like my goofy self. but they brought it out of me, they helped me get there that day, they supported me.

so this happy list is dedicated to my friends, my real friends, my TRUE friends. the people that have seen me at my worst, and have stuck around anyway. the ones that are not afraid to talk to me because it might inconvenience them and their feelings. the ones that are not afraid to speak the name of my son, who is no longer with me. the ones that care about my feelings, about my hurt, about my pain even though they may also be grieving themselves. to those that have been there for me, and shown me the real meaning of the word "friendship," thank you.

"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest... It's about who came, and never left your side." - Unknown

13 comments:

M4M4 said...

it really was a great night! so glad we're able to help you smile and laugh through even the hardest of days. i love the voice you get when joking about "the situation" and even the voice you have when talking about your Juju. Even if he is not with you on earth, you are still a wonderful mother and such a great friend.

Tiffany said...

You deserved a night of laughter and fun! I'm sure it made Juju so happy to see his Mommy smile so much!

Natasha said...

LOVE this!!!!! What a great reason to be happy :) I am so glad you had all that support close to you and you know you have mine all the way from Texas :)

I love that you laughed so hard your cheeks hurt.....that's awesome! You deserve to have some joy and I'm glad it's coming to you :) I know Juju is up in heaven with sore cheeks too.....smiling cause his mama is ok :)

Love you girl!

xoxo

Susan said...

love the quote at the end - sometimes you just need people who get it, don't you xx

My New Normal said...

I'm glad your friends were there for you. I think one of the biggest things losing a baby has taught me is that I can't do everything on my own. I do need to rely on people sometimes. I hope tomorrow is a brighter day.

New Year Mum said...

Sounds like you have some very special friends... love the quote at the end of your post too - so true. Love to you always and sorry to hear that you've been having such an emotional time... thinking of you xoxo

Angie said...

I'm so so proud of you for seeing the 'light' in the midst of your darkness. It's so much easier allowing your pain and sadness swallowing you whole, and you were able to step out of it just a bit. I hope you know I am always here for you whenever you need a friend. Thinking of you and Julius every day and sending you my love. xo

Holly said...

I am so glad you were able to have a night of laughter and love. No one has earned it more than you! You, D, and Julius are always in our prayers.

Mary said...

Tiffany, thank you for that quote! Its so fitting. You really do find out who your true friends are after you lose a child. I'm so glad you were able to come up with a happy list, especially after a hard week. Here's to hoping this week is a better one. And we're always here for you if ever you need it! Lots of hugs!

Tabatha said...

This just warms my heart my friend <3

Caroline said...

What a beautiful post. Yay for Friends that are there for you. Your a special lady & most of all Juju's Mommy. Love you. xxoo
Always praying for you.

Becky said...

sounds like you have some wonderful friends and glad they have been there for you.
Love the quote at the end, so true it is!

New Year Mum said...

Love your blog and thank you so much for all your kind words since I started blogging... it's been lovely to start sharing this journey with you. I've awarded you a Stylish Blogger and/or Versatile blogger Award :)) Follow the link below and join in the fun this Easter :) Love always xoxo

http://newyearmum.blogspot.com/2011/04/my-first-blogger-awards-and-good-friday.html

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