going into this year, and the birth of our rainbow, though i was excited to meet her and become an earthly momma again, i was terrified of having to let go of Julius. i knew that our lives would become so wrapped up in our baby girl, and i was just worried that i wouldn't be able to "mother" Julius and his legacy the same way i did in 2011.
i have been lucky this year, in that i've been able to do several things to honor my son (including the conference we went to last month). i'm actually in the midst of planning another one. a local SIDS mom, and dear friend (and fellow Zumba instructor), and i are planning a Zumbathon "ZumbAway SIDS" that will take place on Oct 6th. 2 straight hours of zumba! and all the proceeds will be going to both First Candle and CJ Foundation for SIDS.
so if you are in the local area, please join us!! if you are not, you can still donate. just go to our site and click the donate link on the right hand side. no amount is too small, seriously!
o, and did you know that Julius has made his way to mcdonald's? my dear coworker brought me the happy meal box. i don't usually frequent there, but i just might now (well, until they stop giving away Julius toys)...
i may be a momma desperate to hold on, but i like to think that Julius is sending me a sign that he's near me - near us - always. i'd like to think that he's letting me know that i don't have to worry about ever letting him go, because he won't be letting go of me either. :')
4 comments:
If being a mama desperate to hold on is a sin, then screw it. I don't care.
You are entitled and allowed to hold on to your son. He is still your son, though not here to hold. I don't see why anyone should ever require you to let go. Their children may be living, but they don't have to let go!? So we shouldn't either.
Keep on living in our hearts, Juju.
You're doing wonderful things, Tiffany. I think it's perfectly healthy to live as we are. A lot more healthy than suppressing the love we have for our babies and the pain we feel in missing them.
I think about you all the time and pray for peace for you. Julius would be so proud to know all of the amazing things you are doing to carry on his legacy. You are a shining example of putting love (and grief) into action and your baby girl is so very lucky to witness your love. God bless you Tiffany!
You're on my mind alot, Lady. You're an amazing momma to both of your darling babies, and they're on my mind often as well. I just wanted you to know that. Ju-ju is not forgotten, not only by yourself, but by us as well. And his sister will grow up knowing all about her big brother, the angel who watches over all of you.
I think we all fear "letting go". I know I do. I'm afraid that moving on means leaving behind. I hope that's not the case. That we can move forward and taken our boys with us.
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