Thursday, January 27, 2011

do not judge the bereaved mother

i just wanted to post this poem today. i have seen it many times since i lost Julius, but this week it seems especially relevant. i continue to be surrounded by exceptionally loving people, and i thank you all. but a few of my friends and fellow BLMs have been met this week with judgement and criticism, and my heart hurts for them. i know i have said it before, but life after losing a child is so complicated. we have literally lost a part of ourselves, and are trying so desperately to continue to exist in a world without our babies. this is a pain that i do not wish on anyone. and unfortunately, sometimes those that we considered "friends" or even "family" before our loss show us their true colors. to all my BLMs that have experienced any sort of judgement/criticism, etc this week {or at all}....i'm so so sorry. ((hugs)) ♥


The Bereaved Mother

To those of you who look away when I grow teary eyed in the baby department, look a little deeper. Surely you have some compassion in your heart.

To those of you who change the subject when I speak my child's name, change your way of thinking. It may just change your whole life.

To those of you who roll your eyes and say we barely had them at all, how could we miss them so much, in our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times. We have seen their first steps, first day of school, their weddings, and their children. We have had them forever in our minds.

To those who say we can have another, even if we had twenty more they would never be the child we lost, and we will always miss them.

To those who say get on with my life, I have. It is a different life, the life of a grieving mother. One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for, but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of.

Do not judge a bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles, but her heart throbs.

She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she is NOT, all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.

Do not dismiss us: we have shaped more than just the future generation. We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you.

Open your eyes to us, and you just might see them.

~ Author Unknown


Megan said...

:'( Thank you Tiffany. This poem, shouldn't EVER be true, but so so sadly, it is.

I don't think there is a BLM in the world who hasn't had to face this horrible reality.

I'm sorry for all of the women out there that have had judgment or criticism placed upon their already broken heart, just as much as I know they are sorry for me.

We understand each other. Sadly.

Caroline said...

Thinking of you {{{{HUGS}}}}

Rachel said...

That poem makes my heart ache! :o(

Thinking and praying for you!!!

Tiffany said...

If its ok, i just might repost this on my blog. seems fitting this week. i don't understand how people don't see there is no time limit on getting "better." there is no BETTER when your child is dead.
i can't wait to see what you have planned for Juju's new project!

Mary said...

I love this poem. Can I "borrow" it for my blog?

Tiffany said...

ladies, "borrow" away! :) after all, i did borrow it myself :)

Rhiannon said...

This is so beautiful Tiffany. I have been having a hard day and I needed to feel not-alone. I hate that poems like this even have to exist at all. :(

Ava's mummy said...

Thank you for sharing, it is beautiful, true and tear inducing.

Sending love to you and everyone who has replied tonight xx

My New Normal said...

Beautiful poem, and so true. I am also glad you have supportive people in your life to help you through this terrible time.

rebecca said...

You are such a beautiful, compassionate person. Love you so much ((hugs))

Missy said...

Somehow I have managed not to see that before and it is wonderful. Thank you for sharing!

MELISSA said...

After reading this poem, I am genuinely surprised that people would think some of those things, let alone speak them aloud. I am sorry for anyone who has been insensitive to your pain or that of a fellow mother.

MrsH said...

What a beautiful poem, and it makes me so sad that people indeed think that they know what our lives should be lived like. Fortunately, at least in my experience, more people are compassionate than are not. But you really can't expect people to understand your life unless they too have lost a baby. Even my own parents are completely clueless and say hurtful things sometimes. I have stopped getting upset a long time ago, and now I look upon their confusion with compassion

Jessica said...

Thinking of you (((HUGS))) <3 (((HUGS))) <3

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