Happy List: My Friends

i had actually made up my mind yesterday that i was not going to do a happy list this week. i've had an incredibly emotional and stressful week. and as much as i needed the little boost of happiness i derive from doing the happy lists, i just could not build up the energy to type one out.

then this morning, i had another incredibly emotional experience. i found myself in a room with a nursing mother. i found myself flashing back to the day that i last held my baby boy. flashing back to the last moments i saw him alive. the last thing we did together when he was alive, the last moment i shared with him. the last time i kissed him and told him how much i loved him. it all came rushing back to me as i sat there. it all hit me in the face. i dealt with it all for a while, but then it got to be too much for me, for my heart, and i had to get out of there. i just couldn't breathe. i made it all the way home before the breakdown came {which i guess is an improvement}.

after i put myself back together again from the breakdown {with the help of my hubby and a couple of dear friends}, i realized that i did have something to be "happy" for. because during my most stressful moments this week, the ones that i could count on to help me to my feet were my friends. i have gotten so much support from my FB family, from the BLMs that i've met through blogging, and from my local support system {the Face2Face group that i co-lead}. thursday happened to be one of our get-togethers {a dinner} and a day when i was feeling particularly fragile. and they showered me with so much love and laughter that my cheeks actually hurt when i left. my cheeks hurt? i can't remember the last time i laughed that much. i can't remember the last time that i felt like my goofy self. but they brought it out of me, they helped me get there that day, they supported me.

so this happy list is dedicated to my friends, my real friends, my TRUE friends. the people that have seen me at my worst, and have stuck around anyway. the ones that are not afraid to talk to me because it might inconvenience them and their feelings. the ones that are not afraid to speak the name of my son, who is no longer with me. the ones that care about my feelings, about my hurt, about my pain even though they may also be grieving themselves. to those that have been there for me, and shown me the real meaning of the word "friendship," thank you.

"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest... It's about who came, and never left your side." - Unknown