Friday, December 23, 2011

bah humbug

i seriously feel like scrooge. i can't believe christmas is in a few days. with the weather being as  unseasonably warm as it's been the last few weeks, and the fact that we no longer have cable service {yep, you read right, no tv channels for us *gasp*}, which means i'm spared all of those annoying christmas commercials. i've managed to evade the "christmas spirit" pretty well. we've put up no tree, we've purchased no gifts, we've sent out no cards. it's been pretty nice to not have that stress on us right now. it's not like we don't have enough to focus on with just grieving and trying to get through the rest of the year.

i feel like i'm a broken record. i re-read what i posted right before thanksgiving, and it all still holds true. i can't believe it's another holiday without my son. dammit i miss him so much. i woke up this morning with tears in my eyes just thinking about how lonely i am without him. i could just scream at the unfairness of it all. he is desperately missed and desperately loved. and here we are, without him, trying to dodge holiday after holiday. it's ridiculous, but it's my reality. i'm pissed off, but there's nothing i can do.

i'm thankful to those that have sent cards/gifts and continue to mention our son. it warms my heart every time. that's really the best present anyone could give me {and i'm sure any bereaved parent} - mentioning my child. for my fellow babyloss parents, please know that i will be keeping you close to my heart this weekend, as we all mark another holiday without our children. i hope that christmas is gentle on you all...

9 comments:

Natasha said...

I'm so sorry Julius is not here with you guys. Another holiday without them.....it's just so very wrong.

I have found myself having moments in the last few days where I'm taken right back to last Christmas and how horrible and sad it was. How I just wanted to die. I miss Aiden so much. My heart hurts with this unrelenting pain when I think about him and how he should be here. I know you know that feeling. I hate that we know what this feels like. I hate that Julius and Aiden are not here.I wish we were both spending Christmas with our boys.

I'm praying for you friend and sending lots of love this weekend.

Melissa said...

I hope that Christmas is gentle on you as well.

Ashley said...

This just made me cry...I am so sorry that you are having a tough time, holidays are n=incredibly difficult. It most definitely isn't fair. I will definitely be thinking of you and Julius this weekend <3 ((Hugs))

Kelly said...

Thinking of you, too. All of my BLMs, always, but especially this weekend. I have a bad case of the bah humbugs, too. Big giant hugs.

Sarah said...

Love You.

Deanna said...

wishing our boys were here with us. we are in the same boat as you read from my last post. love to you, sweet friend. will be thinking of Juju, as always <3

sarah said...

Sending much love to you, Tiffany, and thinking of juju especially tonight.

Debo said...

Just Breathe....I Love you!!

Susan said...

Yes, totally agree. Have had a miserable Christmas, as expected. Bah Humbug! Love to you. I'm sorry. We should have our children with us x

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