my birthday

tomorrow is my birthday. i will be turning the big 3-0. oddly enough, i used to dread this birthday. i used to think that turning 30 is when you had to start thinking about your own mortality. well, i've been there, done that already, so i guess that's out of the way. and i think i've aged so much mentally and physically over the last 3 months, that turning 30 makes me feel like i'm getting younger. obviously, with all that has happened, i don't feel like celebrating anything, especially not a milestone birthday like 30. i was actually hoping to ignore my birthday all together. but i won't. mostly because it seems like the universe doesn't want me to {more on that later}. so i will acknowledge the day, through the eyes of a mother.

tomorrow 30 years ago, i was born {the first born} into the world. birthed naturally by my mom. 30 years ago i changed the lives of my parents. i {hopefully} taught them a love they never knew, like Julius taught me. i {hopefully} brought love and happiness into their lives, like Julius did to ours. to think of my life meaning to someone what Julius means to me gives me a whole new appreciation for my parents. funny how that happens, eh?

a very good friend of mine, whom i have known since kindergarten, and who traveled many many miles {with her loving family that i have also known that long} for Juju's memorial service sent me a card yesterday, and she said something that made me think {thank you, smelly}. she said "I know you're not in a place for celebrating much these days, but I do hope you take a moment to recognize all of your accomplishments over the past 30 years." wow, she's right. i do need to take a moment to think about all i have accomplished so far. i have a wonderful husband that fills my life with love and laughter {though usually at him} daily. i graduated from the school of my dreams {go canes!}. i have a great job. i went on to get a master's degree. i've paid off debt. i own a house. i've accomplished more than i could have ever hoped for. i am truly blessed. and though i only got to hold him in my arms for a short time, my greatest accomplishment came to me on may 30, 2010, when i became a mother for the 1st time to my son, Julius Luciano. ♥ when i put things in perspective, i'm not sure why i ever dreaded turning 30.

my gift to me:
so back to the universe not wanting me to forget this day...on Juju's 3 month angel-versary i also ended up with my very special birthday present. i am mildly obsessed with the artist natasha wescoat. i have a tapestry of one of her paintings and several of her prints in our house. i find her work so whimsical, and colorful. looking at her work always makes me smile. so when i saw that she opened up a few slots for custom paintings, i *knew* that i had to attempt to get a spot, and have something done in honor/memory of Julius. so i emailed her, and prayed. and then SHE emailed me back, and told me that she would "love" to do something to help us remember our baby boy. SHE, the natasha wescoat, is going to do a custom painting for me in honor of my Julius. i really don't even have the words to adequately express how truly happy this makes me. i'm just so excited, and can't wait to see it {she said she would send me a pic before she sends it} and share it with all of you.

my gift from you:
now i'd like to ask you all for a favor - my birthday present from you {bold statement, i know, but bear with me}. i share my birthday with a very special little girl. her name is Ellie. unfortunately, like Juju, she left her parents way too soon. please, visit my dear friend, tiffany's, blog and flood her with the love and support you all have shown me. read all about her little Ellie. that little girl's smile could light up a room. i know that Ellie and Juju are probably celebrating together. but for those of us left behind, these milestone days {it would have been her 1st birthday} are exceptionally difficult. tiffany, i'm always thinking about Ellie, but i will be holding you both extra close to my heart tomorrow. ♥