Purging and My Time Capsule

the purging continued again this weekend, and carried on straight through today {it's a work holiday for D and i so we are both home}. i'm actually getting a bit concerned about how much of my previous life i've decided to bag up to be hauled off by waste management on thursday...without hesitation. it's strange that things i once considered meaningful, i now consider clutter. i read a quote on facebook last week, and upon further investigation, learned that it was actually said by yoda {very wise he was!}. the quote was: "train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." well, let's see, i've already lost one of my biggest attachments - my son. and once you go through something like that, once you've lost such a significant attachment, you reassess.

i cleaned out my office, and found 16 notebooks that i had been stashing away i guess in case there was ever a notebook shortage in the world. i will be donating those to the Jenna Journal Drive. i cleaned out my dvd collection, and bagged up every dvd that i no longer watch or plan to watch. collecting every season of "lost" no longer seems important. and i no longer cherish the complete seasons of "sex & the city" like i used to. imagine that. i cleaned out my dresser, and closet. i'm not sure why i needed 2 drawers full of t-shirts. half of which i don't wear. jeans that were too small for me, but that i told myself when i lost the baby weight i would get back into. dresses i had not worn in a few years. i think i bagged up half of my clothes, which i now plan to donate. i'm pretty sure if i had to pick up and move right now, all of my clothes would fit into 1 large suitcase.

i sat on my closet floor this morning, and went through my storage box full of memories from my past...calendars/planners {from as far back as HIGH SCHOOL!! i'm 30 yrs old for Juju's sake!}, programs from other people's graduations, weddings, etc., birthday cards, notes from friends {again, from HIGH SCHOOL!}, christmas cards sent to us from family/friends. good Lord, what was i thinking keeping all of this. holding on to everyone else's memories, and holding on to every.single.thing i've ever done. i've never been a "pack rat" and only keep 1 storage box, and a hat box full of stuff from my past. but i found all of this miscellaneous stuff overwhelming and suffocating. i think i got rid of about 60% of all it. i mean seriously, why did i need the card my parents sent me and D on our 1st wedding anniversary???

i've completed part of my "training." letting go of my past and who i once was before Julius was not at all scary. tying the drawstring on the garbage bag actually brought me relief. i felt lighter, more focused, freer. the only person who's stuff i won't let go of now, is Juju's. which brings me to my time capsule...

i was speaking with my dear friend mary {momma to Gage} a few weeks ago, and she was telling me about  what they did with some of Gage's things when it was time to pack them away. she said that some of the things that she could not bear to be without, she put in a fireproof/waterproof safe. what an amazing idea, i thought. i had one at home. we have kept old "important" paperwork in it - legal docs, old tax returns, old health insurance claims. i couldn't care less if i lost my old tax returns in a house fire. but i could not imagine being left without any of Julius' things. so i cleaned out our safe. i removed everything except the most important legal documents {including all of Julius' documents}, and i filled the rest with the most important Juju items. the ones that provided me with the most memories, and brought me the most comfort. the ones i could not live on this earth without...

then i closed my time capsule, made a space for it in our closet, and took a deep breath knowing that my Julius would always be safe.