Hope...

some of you may have already noticed the adorable button on the side of my blog. franchesca has done it again. this time she has created a blog hop in order to celebrate hope and spread it to others. so every month on the 19th {yep, i'm a day early}, i will be making a post about hope, and where i am on my hope journey...

i have to be honest, i was really hesitant to join in. these days hope is not something that i have much of, let alone enough to share with others. but, even in my darkest moments, i have found my mind trying with all of it's might to wriggle it's way to the light.

so what brings me hope these days??

for the last couple of weeks, the person that has brought me the most hope, the person for which i have taken my every breath has been my hubby, D. after a particularly rough patch a few weeks ago, i found myself about to give up hope, about to throw in the proverbial towel. and then, as he always seems to do, D picked up on this, and swooped in to "save" me. one night we had a rather emotional discussion about everything that's happened. i don't think we had talked that openly and honestly since Juju passed away. and i know it's because he has been trying to protect me from more hurt. he knows how deeply grieved i am, and he doesn't want to make it worse. but that night we talked, and i cried {no surprise there}, and he listened. and though very emotional, it was good, it was healing, it was needed.

on valentine's day, as i was so busy buying presents for my baby boy, my husband bought me a card, and wrote a very touching, very heartfelt message in it. the last couple of lines of his message:

"...I am not finished building our family to whatever shape or form it may take. Please have hope for our future family and do not forget our long term together."

i can't tell you how much that moved me. to know that he has hope that we will be able to expand our family in the future, that there is more to our family story, brought me to tears. not only that, but it somehow gave me a renewed sense of hope. it gave me strength to hold on a little bit longer. it gave me courage to take one more step and one more breath....to hang on. so though i don't have *much* hope, it's still there, and for now the hope is brought to you by the letter "D".