Friday, February 18, 2011

Hope...

some of you may have already noticed the adorable button on the side of my blog. franchesca has done it again. this time she has created a blog hop in order to celebrate hope and spread it to others. so every month on the 19th {yep, i'm a day early}, i will be making a post about hope, and where i am on my hope journey...

i have to be honest, i was really hesitant to join in. these days hope is not something that i have much of, let alone enough to share with others. but, even in my darkest moments, i have found my mind trying with all of it's might to wriggle it's way to the light.

so what brings me hope these days??

for the last couple of weeks, the person that has brought me the most hope, the person for which i have taken my every breath has been my hubby, D. after a particularly rough patch a few weeks ago, i found myself about to give up hope, about to throw in the proverbial towel. and then, as he always seems to do, D picked up on this, and swooped in to "save" me. one night we had a rather emotional discussion about everything that's happened. i don't think we had talked that openly and honestly since Juju passed away. and i know it's because he has been trying to protect me from more hurt. he knows how deeply grieved i am, and he doesn't want to make it worse. but that night we talked, and i cried {no surprise there}, and he listened. and though very emotional, it was good, it was healing, it was needed.

on valentine's day, as i was so busy buying presents for my baby boy, my husband bought me a card, and wrote a very touching, very heartfelt message in it. the last couple of lines of his message:

"...I am not finished building our family to whatever shape or form it may take. Please have hope for our future family and do not forget our long term together."

i can't tell you how much that moved me. to know that he has hope that we will be able to expand our family in the future, that there is more to our family story, brought me to tears. not only that, but it somehow gave me a renewed sense of hope. it gave me strength to hold on a little bit longer. it gave me courage to take one more step and one more breath....to hang on. so though i don't have *much* hope, it's still there, and for now the hope is brought to you by the letter "D".

12 comments:

B. Wilson said...

What a wonderful husband. Cute and clever ending, too. :)

Glad you're finding at least a little hope.

Our Journey said...

Your right, don't give up hope. It's the only thing that got me through last year. Doesn't it feel so good to know that our husbands believe in us, even when there is a time that we don't?
Love Ya Tiffany!

rebecca said...

The relationship that you & D share is so rare, that honesty, love and commitment that continue in spite of the deep grief you have experienced is definitely something to treasure and cherish. I'm so glad you have each other and know that that little glimmer of hope will continue to grow. Love to you ((hugs))

Brooke said...

I know the husbands sometimes get overlooked in all this, keeping their grief quiet as they tend to do. I think your husband is right. This is the most heartbreaking chapter in your lives together, but your story isn't finished. Losing Julius will be the most heartbreaking, unfair, devastating thing to ever happen to you. But it won't be the only thing that happens to you. Life will always be a little sadder for missing him, but also sweeter for having had him, and richer for everything his short life taught you. And I know how hard it is to believe that! I write these words to convince myself as much as you, but I think - I *hope* - they're true.

New Year Mum said...

What a beautiful message he gave you... filled with hope. Sorry to hear about your loss - I lost my angel when I was pregnant but can't imagine the pain of losing a little one to SIDS. Thinking of you and wishing you all the hope I can xoxo

MrsH said...

Hope is survival. It is the only thing that carried me through, hope that in some way I will find peace and resolution. I wish you the same

Natasha said...

I love your husband's message- so beautiful! What a fabulous hubby! I pray for all of us that our family stories will continue with many happy endings!

xx

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

I'm so glad your husband is there for you ;) I'm following.


http://ecwrites.blogspot.com/2011/01/zeke-strength-of-god.html

Tabatha said...

this post has touched me in more ways than i could ever express with you. thank you for sharing yourself at these low moments i know i am continuously struggling through. your strength and courage gives me HOPE! i thank you for that!

Ava's mummy said...

What a beautiful thing for your husband to write, you are one very special lady x

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

What a beautiful message of hope from your husband...such a precious gift.

Jamia said...

Your D is the greatest. :-)

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