unfortunately, the past few days, for me, have been filled with sadness and disappointment. our "thanksgiving" was alright. but as expected, it was a sad day. D and i managed to ignore the fact that it was a holiday. we went to see the Harry Potter movie. and despite a mini-breakdown at the end of the film {which carried on until we were at our car}, it was a nice afternoon.
friday, was a decent day - i went into work, and was able to get some things accomplished. there weren't many people in the office, so it was nice and quiet. i was feeling pretty good...
until i went to the grocery store after work. i had been avoiding this particular store because during my pregnancy {and even after Julius was born} i would talk to a particular cashier about how things were going whenever i saw her. so on friday as i walked into the store i did a quick scan to see if she was there. convinced that she wasn't, i went on about my shopping. as i pulled my buggy into the checkout line, i realized, much to my horror, that SHE was the cashier {she dyed her hair, which is why i missed her during my "scan"}. i tried to discreetly back out of the line, but she "made me" before i even had a chance. i, unfortunately, had to deal with the awkwardly painful conversation as she predictably asked me about my baby. so even though i felt ok all day. that 3 minutes knocked me down several rungs. and i spent the majority of the night sobbing.
and while saturday was another decent day. sunday brought with it more sadness and disappointment as i was deeply wounded by the actions of someone that i consider close. so i also spent most of yesterday moping around the house and crying about all the things that i have lost in the last 2 months.
so now that i have all of that "ugly" out, let me take time to concentrate on something positive. i'm not sure if you remember my
post about the pearl shell pendant necklace that i received from a woman {Stacey} from my church. she is on the bereavement ministry at the church, so when she found out what happened, she came to our house with that gorgeous necklace and coffee for our family. i cried when i saw the beautiful necklace - not only did she make the beads out of roses from her own garden, but she also personalized the inside of the shell with a picture of Juju and i. i was speechless at her generosity, and at how beautiful the necklace was. and i wear it everyday {and get so many compliments as well}.
after the funeral, she contacted me again, and told me that she wanted to make us a family
rosary with some of the flowers that we received. so D and i hauled a few of the arrangements over to her. and last week i went to pick up the finished rosary.
isn't it absolutely gorgeous? i just can't get over how beautiful it is. and again it is another special, unique way to remember our son. we have this family rosary because of him. receiving this gift moved me so much that i did what i have not done since grade school....i actually said the rosary - the whole thing. and i thought about my baby the entire time {not that i don't anyway, but i felt *that* much closer to him as i said it}. i keep it on our dresser around his urn.
so while i have had a rough go of it lately, i am reminded that we continue to be surrounded by the most generous, loving and caring people. and during this time of deep grief, i really need to remember that and focus on those relationships. like dr. seuss said, "be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
{{if you are interested in having a rosary or necklace made, you can check out Stacey's website
Earth and Sea Designs and contact her. she is absolutely amazing!}}
