Monday, November 29, 2010

Concentrating on the positive...

unfortunately, the past few days, for me, have been filled with sadness and disappointment. our "thanksgiving" was alright. but as expected, it was a sad day. D and i managed to ignore the fact that it was a holiday. we went to see the Harry Potter movie. and despite a mini-breakdown at the end of the film {which carried on until we were at our car}, it was a nice afternoon.

friday, was a decent day - i went into work, and was able to get some things accomplished. there weren't many people in the office, so it was nice and quiet. i was feeling pretty good...until i went to the grocery store after work. i had been avoiding this particular store because during my pregnancy {and even after Julius was born} i would talk to a particular cashier about how things were going whenever i saw her. so on friday as i walked into the store i did a quick scan to see if she was there. convinced that she wasn't, i went on about my shopping. as i pulled my buggy into the checkout line, i realized, much to my horror, that SHE was the cashier {she dyed her hair, which is why i missed her during my "scan"}. i tried to discreetly back out of the line, but she "made me" before i even had a chance. i, unfortunately, had to deal with the awkwardly painful conversation as she predictably asked me about my baby. so even though i felt ok all day. that 3 minutes knocked me down several rungs. and i spent the majority of the night sobbing.

and while saturday was another decent day. sunday brought with it more sadness and disappointment as i was deeply wounded by the actions of someone that i consider close. so i also spent most of yesterday moping around the house and crying about all the things that i have lost in the last 2 months.

so now that i have all of that "ugly" out, let me take time to concentrate on something positive. i'm not sure if you remember my post about the pearl shell pendant necklace that i received from a woman {Stacey} from my church. she is on the bereavement ministry at the church, so when she found out what happened, she came to our house with that gorgeous necklace and coffee for our family. i cried when i saw the beautiful necklace - not only did she make the beads out of roses from her own garden, but she also personalized the inside of the shell with a picture of Juju and i. i was speechless at her generosity, and at how beautiful the necklace was. and i wear it everyday {and get so many compliments as well}.

after the funeral, she contacted me again, and told me that she wanted to make us a family rosary with some of the flowers that we received. so D and i hauled a few of the arrangements over to her. and last week i went to pick up the finished rosary.



isn't it absolutely gorgeous? i just can't get over how beautiful it is. and again it is another special, unique way to remember our son. we have this family rosary because of him. receiving this gift moved me so much that i did what i have not done since grade school....i actually said the rosary - the whole thing. and i thought about my baby the entire time {not that i don't anyway, but i felt *that* much closer to him as i said it}. i keep it on our dresser around his urn.




so while i have had a rough go of it lately, i am reminded that we continue to be surrounded by the most generous, loving and caring people. and during this time of deep grief, i really need to remember that and focus on those relationships. like dr. seuss said, "be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

{{if you are interested in having a rosary or necklace made, you can check out Stacey's website Earth and Sea Designs and contact her. she is absolutely amazing!}}

13 comments:

Rachel said...

The rosary is absolutely beautiful!!!! You are always in my thoughts and prayers!

Rhiannon said...

That is a beautiful rosary and tribute to your precious son....I love that she made it from his flowers. It is so hard to focus on the positive things when we are faced with the sadness, grief and heartbreak. I applaud you for being able to see some good through the pain. I am glad that you had a mostly peaceful weekend.

Jessica/Dishka said...

The Rosary is a thing of beauty. I am so glad that you have someone in your life who uses her God given talent to bring peace and comfort to those who grieve. Tiffany, my family prays for yours every single evening. My daughter especially feels so much emotion when we talk about your sweet boy. I hope you can feel at least a small fraction of the comfort we all so diligently pray for for you.

rebecca said...

Wow that rosary is SO beautiful! Thinking of you & sending love always. I loved the Dr. Seuss quote...very fitting!

Kalialani said...

I'm sorry you had to go tell the cashier the story :( I know how that feels each time you have to retell the story to someone new. It really takes you back a few notches and becomes hard to pick yourself back up again. On the other hand the rosary is GORGEOUS! Seriously, it's really beautiful and I'm SO happy you're able to have yet another thing to hold on to in memory of your son.

Thinking of you and Julius always.

Tiffany said...

That rosary is STUNNING! I cant believe that its hand made and out of roses!! what a treasure! <3

Denise said...

That is absolutely beautiful!! What an amazing gift.

We also lost our Matthew in October, and I know how rough the holidays are, especially the first ones that feel like they just came too soon, and just rubbed into my face the things we wouldn't experience with him. It was hard, but I do promise the ones after were different. Thinking of you.

Our Journey said...

I had a similar experience in the store after we lost Eden. I really didn't think the cashier would remember me, but she did. I was fine when she asked me about my baby, but I did break down afterward...
The rosary is beautiful. I am so glad that you have such beautiful things that allow you to keep Julius' memory alive.

Lindsay said...

I'm so sorry you've had bad/sad days recently. Defintely to be expected. I remember those "grocery store moments" - seeing someone who didn't know...and being terrified of having to explain. I know that was hard...I'm so sorry.

To rosary is absolutely beautiful! She has an amazing gift. I know you will cherish it always.

Sending many hugs your way and thinking of Julius's sweet face.

Alesha said...

What a beautiful gift! I'm so sorry you have had a rough time due to extra things happening. ((hugs))

MrsH said...

Wow, that lady is really talented! I hope your days go better and better as time goes on. Imagine the people who ask you about your son having also lost somebody extremely important to them as well. Does that make you feel more connected? does it make the task easier? if not, then ignore my advice, but try it, we are all made of pain at some point in our lives.

Megan said...

The rosary is stunning! I'm so glad you had someone in your life to do something so wonderful. Those people, and the little things they do, are the things that can brighten an entire day!
{And you have a WILLOW TREE angel! Family gave us Willow Tree people after Savannah passed unknowing that others had given us some. I now have 6!!! They are so serene and breathtaking!}
I've also been in the same situation as you experienced with the Cashier. It hurts. It's hard. And unfortunatly for our sake, we can't get away from it. I am so sorry you had to go through that. (But hiding away from Thanksgiving is great. High Five holiday skipping friend!)

Liz said...

What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful boy. Thinking of and praying for you daily!

Post a Comment