last week was a really rough week for us. in addition to it being the week of his 5 month birthday, we received his death certificate. i still can not comprehend the fact that i received my baby's death certificate. i didn't even have 5 full months with him before i had to say good-bye. it makes me so sick to my stomach to think about that.
as for how i'm doing...i'm trying to hang in there. i went to a GriefShare support group meeting last week, and found it helpful, so I am going to continue to go. i also found another local support group that is specifically for bereaved parents that meets on thurs night, which i am going to check out this week. and in addition to that, the woman that runs the GriefShare group was kind enough to put me in contact with a grief counselor that she knows, and i've set up an appointment with her for this week. so i'm definitely trying my best to deal with my grief. for whatever that's worth...
i'm completely dreading the months ahead. halloween already gave me a taste of the sadness i am sure to experience. everywhere i turned i saw happy parents and their adorable children all dressed up, and thought about how i would never get to experience that with J. i never even got a chance. the holidays are fast approaching, and it just makes me so angry that he won't be able to celebrate his first thanksgiving and christmas with us. we were planning to go visit D's family for thanksgiving, and mine for christmas; but there is no way we can now - it's just too hard. quite frankly i don't even think i want to acknowledge the holidays at all this year. how can i even begin to celebrate anything? my heart is far too broken.
but not *all* of last week was miserable. toward the end of last week i got up the strength to write up a little tribute to my Juju to be added on The CJ Foundation for SIDS memorial page.
Julius' memorial page was published, coincidentally, on his 5 month birthday. even though it was very hard for me to write, i felt like i had to do it. my little boy was an amazing person, and i want him to be remembered. he was such a blessing to us, and his absence has left such a void in our lives...
Be the change, a case for unity
4 months ago