Happy 6 month birthday! It just hurts my heart so much that you are not here to celebrate. I should be putting a sticker on your onesie and taking a picture of you in the glider. I should be updating everyone on all of the cool things you can do. I should be in complete amazement at the fact that I have a 6 month old baby boy. But instead of you in the glider, there is a stack of sympathy cards. Instead of updating everyone on your developmental progress, I'm talking about trying to adjust to life without you. Instead of being amazed about having a 6 month old, I'm in shock that I didn't even get 6 full months with you. The last month and a half has been the worst time of my life. Adjusting to life without you has been physically and emotionally painful. I've struggled with every step and breath I have taken since the afternoon of October 12th. It hurts that I will never get to know what you would have looked like as a 6 month old. Would you have looked more like Daddy or me? How much more poofy would your frohawk have gotten? Would any of the teeth that had been bothering you finally be breaking through? I will never know. Time has stopped and you will always be 4.5 months old to me. I don't just grieve your loss; I grieve our future together. But know that even though you are not here, we will continue to celebrate you and your life. I will continue to talk about you with others, and think about you every.second.of.every.day. You ARE my child - now and forever. And until the day when we are reunited and I can hold you in my arms again; I will have to take solace in the fact that you and your memory will live on forever in my heart and mind. The bond that we have not even death can break. I miss and love you, Juju, so very very much.