Paying it forward status...

i know yesterday's post was pretty heavy. and i thank everyone that responded, especially those who have/are experienced/experiencing similar feelings. your comments helped me to feel "normal" during a time that is nowhere near normal, or natural. it is so exhausting to live breath by breath as i have been doing since october 12th, but i don't have many options these days.

but i did want to take some time to talk about some of the things that have been happening, especially things that have developed this past weekend. i know i've mentioned here and here and here, about the fact that i am re-focusing my life and my priorities. it's hard to go through a major event like the loss of a child, and not be permanently changed. i've been trying to do only things that i consider meaningful in honor of my son. i want to give him a reason to be proud of his momma, and of course, i want to hold on to him for as long as i can. i'm currently working on a few projects that i hope to get underway shortly...

the 1st thing i'm working on is creating a Face2Face group in my area. kristin, angie, and the Faces of Loss staff have been working so very hard to bring BLMs together. and they have thought up the idea of having local social groups so that we can get together and have a safe place to talk about our little ones, and be around others that have experienced the pain of losing a child. it's not a support group, per se {though everyone will be there to give their support}. it's more about, as the FoL site puts it, a "simple gatherings of friends who share a deep common bond." in the past week, i have met a few local BLMs who have been so gracious and have offered to help me with this endeavor, so i'm hoping that soon we can get something up and running.

i've also been working on starting a local support group, again with the help of some determined BLMs. we are still in the process of discussing details and working on logistics so i'm not going to "spill the beans." but i'm really hopeful that we can get this kicked off soon too. and i'm so blessed to have met the women that i have in the past week. i hate the circumstances with which we have met, but these women are amazing. and just as determined as i am on making sure that BLMs in our area are fully supported.

the last project that i'm working on...well, this is the big secret. i'm definitely not going to mention anything about this until the details are worked out. but i'm just so excited about getting the opportunity to work on this project. and i'm pretty sure Juju put this project in my path on purpose. don't you just love suspense?!

and last but certainly not least, i again want to say "thank you" to everyone that has donated to Juju's memorial funds. we are so close to being halfway to our $5k goal. i am truly amazed at the generosity of people. and it makes me so proud to see how many people Juju has touched even though his life on this earth was so brief. i always knew that he was destined for greatness. i was just hoping that he would be doing those great things during his very long and happy life, not in his death. it doesn't make me any less proud of him, but i just wish i didn't have to be so heartbroken.