Sunday, December 12, 2010

2 months of pure hell...

My dearest Juju,

I've been without you for 2 whole months. I've gone 2 months without kissing your chubby cheeks, without hugging you, without feeding you. But I haven't gone a second of these 2 months without thinking about you, and loving you. To say "I miss you" is an understatement. I long to see you, and to hold you in my arms again. It's weird that my empty arms actually feel heavier without you in them. I long to hear you laugh. I long to bathe you. I am just so lonely and so lost without you. I want to be with you again. I want you to come back so we can be a happy family again. I don't understand why you had to leave - why my baby had to leave. I absolutely hate the fact that I have to continue on in this world without you. Nothing makes sense anymore without you. Yet I am forced to carry on.

Baby tonight we will be taking part in a candle lighting to remember you. Our family and friends will be joining us and lighting candles for you too. I hope that you are able to see the light from all of the candles where ever you are. I hope you know that there are so many people in addition to your Daddy and I that are constantly thinking about you, and that love you. I wish with every part of me that you were here to see just how many people love and care for you, Baby. You are a very loved little boy. And I know that you will never be forgotten.ever.

I love you, baby boy, and I miss you so very much,
Mommy

10.11.10

14 comments:

Jennifer said...

Thinking of you ... <3 <3

Our Journey said...

Lighting a candle tonight. I grabbed your button and put it on my blog. I hope that was okay. (((Hugs to you)))

BrownieGirl said...

My whole church is praying for you, honey. And me, too, every day.

Vero said...

This was hard to read without tearing up so I can't even imagine how hard it must have been to write. Sending you positive thoughts.

liz4181 said...

We lit a candle tonight for JuJu. Thinking of you and Dennis <3

Marie W said...

Sending love and hugs your way.

Marie W said...

Sending love and hugs your way.

MrsH said...

lighted a candle, it is on my blog, for Julius

Christopher said...

What a beautiful letter to your sweet boy...it brought tears to my eyes. You are right, we are *forced* to carry on without them and it is so, so hard. I am sorry that your Juju isn't with you, I wish all of our babies were. Much love sent your way. <3

Rhiannon said...

That last comment was sent from me, I accidentally sent it from my hubbys account! ;)

Tiffany said...

Hi Tiffany,
I came across your blog somehow a few days ago. Just wanted to let you know that I thought about your handsome little man last night when I lit a candle for our daughter. We are much in the same place you are right now. Our perfectly healthy daughter got sick on Oct 24 and died early the next morning after a hard struggle at CHildren's hospital. She was only nine months old. Strangely, my name is also Tiffany. Of course, everyone's pain is different but I just wanted to let you know that I understand some of what you are going through.
Thinking of you,
Tiffany
http://thebrokenroad-tiffany.blogspot.com

Rachel said...

Praying for you, Tiffany!

croleyc69 said...

Thinking and praying for you.

Caroline

Hannah said...

Thinking of you. Thanks for sharing.

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