Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas, Baby Boy...

Dear Julius,
Merry Christmas, Baby. Today would have been your first Christmas with us, but instead you are in Heaven. It makes me so mad that we didn't even have you long enough for you to experience Christmas with us. On top of that, today is the first time since Daddy and I have lived here that it has snowed really hard. Something else that you didn't get a chance to experience. I think you would have really liked snow.



We miss you so much. It's just not right that we have to carry on without you. Why does it have to be this way? This is absolutely torturous.

Yesterday we lit a candle for you all day. It made me feel as though you were nearby. We will light a candle for you today too. And yesterday we got a few "Juju signs." My godfather and his family sent us a gorgeous angel figurine which is now sitting next to you on our dresser. Then a friend of mine sent me a picture of your name and the candle she lit for you.

"Angels are always near to those who are grieving. To whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hands of God"
Thank you, Christena!
I love to see your name written, Juju. The funny thing is that even though I picked your name years ago when Daddy and I were just talking about having a family in the future {your mommy is definitely a planner}, I was hesitant to agree to that name for you. I wanted your name to be perfect, so I spent almost my whole pregnancy thinking of names. Daddy just wouldn't let the name "Julius" go. He even started calling you that when we found out that you were a boy, which irritated me so much. But the name stuck, and once we decided on a first and middle name for you, we kept it a secret from everyone until you were born. The name fit you perfectly, just like you fit us perfectly. And now I love to hear it, and see it written. It means that people are thinking of you, and it's a little sign to me that you are ok.

Baby, I hope you are enjoying your first Christmas in Heaven. Ours is definitely not the same without you. We miss and love you so very much.

-Mommy

8 comments:

Our Journey said...

I had tears in my eyes as I read this. It brought me back to last Christmas. It was my first without Eden and we had record snow too. I was trying so hard to hide the pain of the day. This was just beautiful Tiffanny.
Thinking of you today.

Debo said...

Tiffany and D, Thinking of you on this 2010 Christmas....Thanks for sharing again, a wonderful message today about JuJu...Yes, we remember and love your precious Julius...I'm so sorry that he isn't here to celebrate Christmas, but as you stated in your message today..he is in Heaven with our Heavenly Father...The only place a few will get to go see the King...he is being cared for..smiling and laughing with his Heavenly Father...In Jesus name...We Love you

Stephanie said...

It is just not right, our babies gone on such a special day. I am sorry that Julius isn't there to play in the snow, I am sure that he would have loved it and been in awe of the magic of it all. My heart aches that our babies are not with us. And especially that Christmas still ends up coming in spite of it all. Hoping that the holiday is gentle to you.

Tiffany said...

I've been trying to leave messages for several days but for some reason they won't post... I've been thinking about you and your family. I hope you found some peace today and yesterday. It's very hard without our babies.

Caroline said...

I thought of you so much today. I'm sorry there Julius isn't there. Keeping you close to my heart. So glad you got the gift I sent.

{{HUGS}}

Patty said...

What a hard day for all of us...I know losing my daughter to premature rupture (PROM) was completely unexpected and so is SIDS. That just scares me how it can happen randomly with no symptoms... Thank you for sharing the name story - that makes the name so special. Hugs from me too!

Rachel said...

My heart aches for you!!! Praying for peace for you and Dennis!

Rhiannon said...

Such a heartbreaking post. :( As you said, It's just not right that we have to carry on without them. I love the quote on the angel figurine, what a sweet gift. I wish your sweet Juju was with you today and always. I hope that you were able to find some moments of peace. Sending much love your way <3

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